Blahhhhhhh!
4/1/96 - Rabbit, Rabbit. As the coffee dulled morning's stinging edge my vision and cognitive abilities returned. It turns out I'd dressed myself as a giant stalk of broccoli and cheddar cheese. I got a great new green jacket this weekend which I put on over my white shirt and green pants. The tie I chose most resembles cheddar cheese (more than any other food item). And all you can see through the open front of my great new green jacket is my tie. Got the picture? Good. I'll survive. I need to go out for lunch and I need to go home this evening, those will be my remaining chances to inflict myself onto the world. You know what? I think I'll stop here today.
4/2/96 - Shucks y'all. I gots to do something exciting or I shall soon turn into another shell moving through life at highway speeds with the cruise on. I'd rather take the backroads but drive like a banshee and pray there are no cows in the road. Actually, that's no true either. I'd rather walk through the woods and pray there are no big bears with sharp teeth that haven't eaten recently. No, I'd rather soar like a bird and pray there are no hungry bigger birds that eat smaller birds. No, I'd like to be beamed from point to point just like in Star Trek, but then I forget that's fiction. Okay, despite all my stupid writing, the problem still remains. Hmm, I guess it's up to me to figure out what the heck I'm doing with my life (other than working a huge caffeine addiction).
4/3/96 - The faux pop tart is almost gone. Well, since these words don't just instantly appear here, it should come as no surprise that the faux pop tart is completely gone. Just a second ago my computer was making a hideous high pitched whine. Either my hearing fails to register it now, or it's gone. I ran 7 miles last night. I set out to run 4, but I felt so good I kept going. Hey, I left some Richfood Tasteeos here yesterday; I can eat them now. Mmmm, good. Well, I'm sorry to cut this short, but my job just walked into my office. Actually, she's looking in a book, so I have a moment; No, I lied.
4/4/96 - I'm still waiting for that thought. Last night was Agents of Good Roots night for me. I got to bed around 2. I still have the marker mark (is he a rapper?) on my right hand; they might as well tatoo me. I've scrubbed this thing 5 times and it's still hanging in there. I need to take thursday mornings off to sleep. I saw a lunar eclipse last night. I didn't know it was going on until I'd been watching it for 15 minutes and was asked "Hey, Lee did you know there is a lunar eclipse going on?" "Golly, I thought the moon looked funny." All this from a man who'd like to be an astronomer. Sometimes my stupidity stuns me. I just looked closely at the bar mark on my hand... It looks pretty cool all washed out like it is. The ink is only in the tiny grooves of my skin. It looks not unlike a gauze or web or mesh. Neato.
4/5/96 - First, Happy Birthday to my friend who'd hate me if I put her name here (and we can't have that). Second, the University is open today, right? I've seen no one and would hate to have to go back home (Yeah, right). Ok, what am I going to do to avoid working until I'm 65 (don't say "die"; I don't really like that option)? Does anyone out there want to pay me to write? I could create stuff such as this all day long and would be quite content. No? Drat. What's the lottery jackpot tomorrow? Hey, Fighting Gravity is on the radio. I went to high school with Eric Lawson and Mike Boyd. Of course they'd say "Lee WHO?". I think I may go see them tonight at the newly reopened Flood Zone. Here comes another song. Does anyone know if you can make a living as a student? I'd love to go back to college. Geez, it's hot in here this morning. It must be 80 degrees in my office. Still no one here; may I go home?
4/8/96 - Crack! Right off the bat I want to ask where all the night time hours went last night. (I think that was a statement thus ending with a period, but I'm not certain). I went to bed at 11:30 and I swear all I did was roll over and my alarm went off. I thought I'd messed it up when I reset the time, but then I noticed it was sort of light outside and the other clock said 6:30, too. It occurred to me, maybe someone has played a joke on me and screwed up all the clocks in my apartment, but how did they get the sun to come up. Who stole the time between 11:35p last night and 6:30a this morning? (That was, without a doubt, a question.) If you may see me in the next couple of days I have a warning for you: I shaved my beard off. Please don't laugh. You know my friend Andy? He appears relatively frequently in this space (and is, for certain, mentioned amongst the band stuff). Today is his 26th Birthday.
4/9/96 - Should we be serious today? I read last week's Time Magazine cover story about the historical Jesus. What a depressing article. It's a darned good thing I don't take everything I read as gospel truth. If I did that simile would be meaningless. I've always been a man of science and faith crashes sternly with many of the things I'd learned in church school as a tot. But then science for me is also, in many cases, a question of faith. Why does the force of gravity between two objects vary as the square of the distance between them? Someone must know the answer to this question; I don't. But I believe it's true. I read in the newspaper there no longer exists the knowledge to rebuild and repair many of the battleships built during WW2. When these ships are gone no one can reproduce them. Will people doubt their existance? I know there is little spiritual worth in gravity or battleships, but these two examples show how tenable things can move into the untenable. Is this reason to doubt they exist(ed).
4/10/96 - I need a big book of literary devices. I only know three or four and they get boring after a while. Metaphors woven into the fabric of my writing, add color and texture to the clean linen tapestry of my words. Similes are as abundant as beach sand. Alliteration lilts and lingers lonely along long lines of words. This may be the first time onomatopoeia has appeared on my humming (or is that "buzzing"?) terminal; but I know what it is. Every once in a while the keyboard says to me "Hey, Lee. What about personification?" Oh, if I think and remember and write and you read then polysyndaton (despite the fact I can't spell the damn word) is one I use. Then there is the opposite of that last one; it requires I think, remember, write, you read then I can say I used asyndaton (can't spell this one either). Ok. That does it. I'm falling quickly to new depths of anticreativity. Go see Agents of Good Roots tonight at Alley Katz if you are anywhere near Richmond, VA.
4/11/96 - I have very few days left in which to complete my federal income tax. I hope I don't have any problems. In the last couple of years it's been cake but this year I have 2 W2s. I started here the first working day of 1995, but my last paycheck at the other job was in 95. I might attempt to free myself of this horrible burden tonight. I can mail them tomorrow. My favorite part is where the gross is reduced by an IRA contribution. Actually, I like stapling the W2s to the specially marked spot. Who am I kidding, I like getting money back. I know I've just given the government an interest free loan, but who cares? I live in a kick butt country and if I give up a few bucks to its coffers what does it hurt me? I'm sure someone out there can give me a good answer; I don't want to hear it. Wow, I'm feeling patriotic (even if I can't spell the word).
4/12/96 - My undershirt is wet. I thought 35 minutes in my nuclear dryer would remove any hint of dampness. Nope. I could go further with this subject. There must be some correlation beteen lint filter cleanliness and drying time (perhaps even a science fair topic) I could explore more fullly, but the radio has provided a tidbit I can not pass up. XL 102 has a feature called Mystery Plumber where this guy (I hope he's a plumber) talks about restrooms. Some highschool student asked, between VCU, J. S. Reynolds and UR, where should he attend college. To help his decision the Mystery Plumber rated the restroom facilities at each institution. VCU and J. Sarg. both got mediocre ratings. But UR received rave reviews. The plumber almost cried he was so impressed. This should lead you to several questions: 1) Huh? 2) Huh? 3) Huh? Ok; those were my thoughts exactly. But I was still interested. Why does even the smallest reference to things fecal make people laugh? Hmmm, maybe there's a science fair topic here.
4/15/96 - I did my taxes. I'm mailing them some time this morning. But now for some other stuff: Humor in funny places. By funny I mean peculiar, unexpected not... um, funny. Ok, some people have this twisted view that serious is better. To them I make strange farty sounds with my mouth and hope they don't hear me. Serious people tend to be powerful; yes, I do see a connection but, like most things in my life, I'm going to ignore it and hope it goes away. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Life is short. I spent a few hours yesterday going through old photographs (late 1800s - early 1980s) with my parents and a couple aunts (my grandparent's generation, actually) I saw my great grandparents as small children. Egad! If that didn't drive the old cliche "Life is Short" home then I'm not me (and, damn it, of that I'm certain). Okay, here is my point. Ask yourself this: "Am I having a good time?" Now, ask yourself this: "What is going to happen if I try and have a good time doing the things I normally do that, right now, are a pain?" I don't see my point anymore; I'm going to pause and drink coffee. I'm back. Here is my point (sorry, I already said that didn't I?): Be funny. Laugh. Make other people laugh. Don't let work get in the way of fun BY MAKING WORK FUN. I think I can take my own advice. I hope my great grand children, when seeing pictures of me, hear nice stories about me. Oh, another point. I didn't tie all my comments together well. I need to tell all the serious people that seriousness is okay with me as long as you don't make me feel like a dope for not wanting to be like you. I'll try to see your point of view too. I'm going now. I still didn't connect everything... You'll live, right?
4/16/96 - Two words: Allergy Season. Two more words: Spring Sucks. Two more words: Madonna's pregnant. That's actually 3 words crushed into two and it's also not something with which I'm particularly concerned. How about a story? Once there was this guy (we'll call him... Lee). Lee lived in a city he liked, but this city came equipped with a monumental supply of oak trees. Lee was allergic to oak pollen thus every spring Lee's brain oozed out of his nose. Lee hates spring even though he likes spring. Lee likes old Van Halen. Lee thinks Sammy should leave and David Lee should come back. Lee thinks things still wouldn't be the same as they were prior to 1984 because everyone involved in the old Van Halen is A) older and B) off drugs. There is some special combination of drugs and musicians in their 20s that produces excellent music. Lee, while a musician in his 20s DOES NOT DO DRUGS and DOES NOT WANT ANYONE ELSE TO DO DRUGS but if someone out there is in their 20s and already does drugs... STOP, but while you're doing that put a band together and make some good music. Lee knows there is life after 30 for the newly drug free musician. Witness Billy Joel (my mon likes his new stuff), Elton John (my mom likes his new stuff), Rod Stewart (my mom likes his new stuff)... shall I continue? No? THE END
4/17/96 - Politics. Monday night I had dinner with someone I'll describe as a friend of my grandmother. We, being pessimistic, figure the USA was in decline. Where are the good leaders? Why do we settle for second rate politicians? Who can run this giant country? I can't answer the questions. I think I can set forth an additional problem and offer a solution. This country's people are, on the whole, stupid; that's a problem. I don't mean Gomer Pyle dumb; I mean conditionally dumb. There is a lack of reasoning skills. I demonstrate this lack all the time. I listen or read and a thought enters my mind. Many times I don't question this thought. I don't say "Why is this factoid true?" The rest of the population and I need understand the conditions that define facts. What causes a budget deficit? Is a budget deficit bad? Is debt bad? Got me; but I have a feeling the answers are not the simple ones politicians are touting. Here is my answer: liberal arts education. Teach people history; show them how others thought and let them draw conclusions. Highlight cause and effect. And above all fail people that don't get it. "Ok, Lee" you say "How?" I say "many colleges do this well now." If this method works, people should be willing to pay for it: privatize. What better test for a plan than the harsh light of Adam Smith's Invisible Hand (oooo, bad metaphor)? This will probably create a political elite. I know this is an unpopular comment, but I'm going to make it anyway: This country's government was founded by a political elite. It worked well. I'd bet it would work now too.
4/18/96 - As usual I didn't stop thinking about what I wrote yesterday. Here is my newest thought: The responsibility of raising thinking children rests with parents. Period. Government can only try and make people do stuff. I speed and the government says I shouldn't, see? Next! I saw Agents of Good Roots last night. Next! I think when I run. I came to the conclusion that the secret of life is not 42 or 7 or whatever that Adams guy says it is; the secret of life is R-E-S-P-E-C-T (find out what it means to me). Think about it. I find it hard to put into words, but respect is probably the single most important thing I person can cultivate in themselves. That sentence is somewhat shaky wasn't it (the begining isn't really connected to the end in any logical way; did you notice I mixed verb tense in this sentence)? Do you ever wonder why I don't correct some of my mistakes when I obviously see them? I do. Be Good, ok. Oh, I thought about writing a book. I'll take a physics text book and outline the history behind the physics. Stuff like: Galileo was band from public because he wouldn't do what the church asked. There's chapter 1.
4/19/96 - Physics. Most people cringe at the idea. Sometimes physics is conjured to explain something but the result is confusion. Take an email the circulated thru my office yesterday: Do X-rays hurt laptop PCs? Do Metal detectors hurt laptop PCs? The explaination invoked the concept of electric and magnetic fields. Then it said X-rays are not dangerous because they are merely EM radiation. First, I don't have a great concept of fields and second while I know that light is also EM radiation I also know that M. Curie cooked herself to an early grave by playing with the radiation. Why should I feel about better X rays? Well, I can answer my own question. Radiation comes in three flavors; Know to physicists as alpha, beta, or gamma, each does different things to things encountered. Alpha radiation is the most damaging; it's big. An alpha particle is a helium nucleus (2 protons, 2 nutrons) and it can take stuff out. Alpha radiation packs mass and thus momentum and being bombarded by alpha radiation is like being hit by rocks. Beta radiation is electrons. Exposure to beta radiation is like being hit by really hot, smaller rocks. Gamma radiation is pure energy. The light under which I'm sitting is bombarding me with gamma radiation, as is the terminal into which I'm staring. Gamma radiation adds energy to the objects it hits and sometimes this energy does strange things to the target. I think M. Curie was exposed to large amounts of alpha radiation and X rays, while harmful, are gamma radiation which at airport security levels won't hurt too badly.
4/22/96 - I awoke saturday morning (thank God) and found a nasty note taped to my front door. It read: "Your Chimes have kept me awake! WHY SHOULD THIS HAPPEN?!" I had a set of wind chimes on my balcony (as do about 1 out of every 6 apartments in my complex; I counted). After taking the chimes down I took the unsigned note and and wrote at the bottom: "I'm very sorry and have taken them down." I taped this to the mail boxes. After suffering the slings and arrows of an angry neighbor I was feeling somewhat guilty, but I had to go the band practice so I got in my car and drove. And I thought. Why didn't I answer the question directed at me? "WHY SHOULD THIS HAPPEN?!" "Well, maybe you're a jerk and God is punishing you." That was the best of the lot. Can anyone think of a better one? Should I put the chimes back up (I enjoy the heck out of them and don't think they are particularly annoying) or should I remain the considerate neighbor? I think I'll hang them in my bedroom and aim the fan at them. I can only hope the note writer is trying to sleep within ear shot.
4/23/96 - I feel like crap. I know I slept last night at least I think I did. I don't remember anything after about 10:15 last night. My alarm jerked me from somewhere. Where ever it was I didn't rest well. I can't breathe through my nose. What little breathing I can do is accompanied by a gurgly hissing sound from within my bloated sinuses which are pushing on my eyeballs harder than an Islamic terrorist faction. Occasionally I'll sneeze. Not once. Not twice. I'll sneeze for 30 seconds straight. 10 to 15 discrete, rapid thrusts of pollenated air from within my chest exploding through my head. I'm unable to go into public without a pocket full of tissues which inevitably end up leaving a cute little white Hitler mustache of lint on my upper lip. And what is the alternative to this hellishness? I could leave the state. I could take one of many semieffective medications which as a side effect to looping me into a stunned buzz sometimes dry out the right nostril for 30 minutes or so. I feel like crap.
4/23/96 - I think when I run. Yesterday I thought about writing down everything I do in a day. I'd start the second I get up and finish when I go to bed. Then I thought about also including the thoughts I had. I could document everything that crossed my mind. Then I had a strange revelation. But first some background: I like physics. There is a physics theory called Uncertainty that states if you know an electron's position you can't also know its momentum. And if you know an electron's momentum you can't also know its position (or something like that). The way I understand it Uncertainty is based on size limitations. We as scientists are limited in our choice of measurement tools. We will never find anything so small that it won't effect the thing we are measuring. Plus classical physics breaks down at the atomic scale (this is why there is a whole branch of physics called quantum mechanics that is so confusing, or maybe not). Basically imagine a bowling ball is an electron. The only way we have to get information about our bowling ball is to throw another bowling ball at it and then see how the thrown ball's motion changes after hitting the first ball. Obviously the target ball is no longer doing what it was doing before it was hit. Conservation of energy is at the heart of this problem, but I digress. What does all this have to do with recording thoughts? Don't you think the act of writing down thoughts will change what a person thinks about? It takes brain power to create words out of nebulous thoughts.
4/25/96 - Tongue twister: Gesture Jester. Try it. Oh, it's late. It's 8:30 and I usually finish this by 8:00. I'm so far behind. I had to get gas this morning (for my car; no Taco Bell jokes, please) and then I ended up talking highschool football hits with Larry. Then Gerry got here and we discussed the mathematics of tennis (at a real ground floor level). My fact du jour is: Deuce means anyone can win with 2 consecutive points (and not just 40-40 as I'd thought it meant). Excuse the shortness of today's entry; I must run (so far I'm at 14 miles this week; I should hit 23 or 24 by the weekend, but that's not what I meant). Later.
Ok, I came back; It's later (8:45) and I decided to tell you about this cool airplane I built with another University Computing person (no name today, sorry). I took the piece of cardboard that came out of my tissue box and attached a Post-it Note tail stabilizer. Then I put some paper clips on the nose for weight. It didn't work great so my accomplice added more nose weight (a dime) and a flap. Now the plane sails.
4/26/96 - Yesterday I put on a new hat. Of course I'm speaking figuratively; I haven't had a new hat in months, maybe years. I got home and it smelled like someone was cooking on a weird smelling fire. I thought little of it. I went to get ready to run and then I left my third floor apartment and headed the smokey breezeway. "Hmm, this is weird" I thought. The smoke was coming from the parking lot area. When I got down there the bushes were on fire. I freaked. I ran back up to my apartment and got a pitcher of water. I went back down and threw it on the fire. Then I ran back upstairs and called 911. "It's not a big fire. Don't send a big truck." I suppose I should have figured she wouldn't heed the frantic words of a panicing person. I made 3 more quick trips down with my pitcher so by the time the BIG TRUCK got there all that was left of the fire was a damp patch of scorched pine bark. The fire guys told me 4 more BIG TRUCKS were on the way, but they'd cancel the order. "Boy, do I feel stupid." "No way, son. You did the right thing. Look at the dry, textured wood siding on this building not 2 feet away from that damp patch of scorched pine bark. What if the wind had blown the flames in that direction? Besides, we were just watching Oprah and this is much more fun than bad TV." Ok, so he didn't say that last thing, but he did tell me, since I reported the fire, my name is in the computer. I wonder what this means? Do I now have a better chance of winning the lottery? I bet I'll just be known as "Whiner Boy" and cops will look for my car and pull it over just to hear me try and get out of a ticket.
4/29/96 - Ok, I have to be a very careful typist today. I just got a new terminal emmulator (I'm certain I spelled that incorrectly) program and I can't get the arrow keys to work. That aside I had a pretty good weekend. My band played saturday evening. We did alright... very rusty. Judging by the tape (which is mixed poorly) we need to work on song to song transitions. We do a decent job unless someone needs to tune, then we break down. I started telling stories, but I blanked and couldn't think of anything good. Luckily I had friends in the crowd that prompted me: "Lee, tell us about the time you ate dog food." I know that sounds crazy, but it's a true story. I also (in the same story) drove a pickup with bad brakes up and down mountain roads. This same pickup lost it's back axel not a week after I gave it back to it's owner (who bought the dog food mentioned earlier). Boy I bet you think I'm a weirdo now. Or perhaps (and I think this is likely) you know me and are without doubt. I'll have to start titling my stories and writing down the main points so I can quickly recall the action (as if there is any). Well, that's enough babbling for a monday morning.
4/30/96 - The Dave Matthews Band's new CD comes out today. Since Dave is my hero (in a musical sense) I thought I should mention that. I met Dave once. He has less than perfect teeth and a weird sense of fashion. Aside from that the man put together a kickbutt band and that band plays sweet music, therefore he is my hero. I heard 2 live DMB songs from their last Flood Zone show on the radio as I drove to work. I'm in a good mood. I just noticed "good" and "mood", while sharing 3 letters, aren't pronounced alike. If mood were pronounced like good it would sound as if someone slurred mud. But good, pronounced like mood would sound like a cheese minus the last syllable. I'm certain there must be a funny reason for these discrepancies. Actually, I'm full of it. Stuff like this just happens. It's part of the Entropic Theory of Language which states (and I quote; Geez, I'm making it up right now so I can do whatever I please) "The English Language moves toward utter randomness and unexplainability unless large amounts of effort are expended to stop its decline". Pretty cool, eh? I can pick up my copy of Crash at 10am. Oh Boy.