Andy Berry

It seems like only yesterday, when in fact it has been two full years to the day. The idea was simple enough (well, simple enough for beings of our intellect and technological capabilities) - switch brains with a human. I know what you're thinking, "brain transplants are an impossibilty!" but you will have to take my word for it when I tell you that it can , and has, been done.

We chose the most compatible specimen after what you call "years" of research. Then the abductions began, the first when Andy was only five years old and one every three years for the next eighteen years. By 1990 Earth time, we knew it could be done. In 1993, we did it. Andy, the poor son-of-a-b*tch, never knew what happened.

We stole his brain to obtain the one thing humans have that is worth anything: creativity. Now we have it and Andy does not - or so we thought. Our human specimen seems to be striving to create at an entirely new level. He has joined the rock 'n roll band Help Wanted and has been writing songs at an alarming rate. The fascinating thing is that other humans seem to enjoy this music, and have been known to even engage in dancing rituals at Help Wanted shows. This leaves us with one question: was the transplant a partial failure, leaving a portion of human creativity behind, or have we had this capability all along only to have smothered it beneath our supreme intellect? We have only one theory that might explain this phenomenon. We have concluded that Andy has lost all ability to reason as a result of our transplant, and we have left him a stupid, slobbering fool whose only hope for surviving his pathetic life is to write and perform music. May whatever God he believes in have pity on his soul!

Back To The Band

Turn it on. Turn it up. Play it Loud. Yup-Yup.