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09/01/98 - This month started with a bang. At least that's what entered my consciousness first *KRAAPOW* goes the thunder at 1:47am or sometime pretty close to that. And you wouldn't believe the consequences I face today because of that thunder clap... basically you wouldn't believe them because any I tell you would be lies. As far as I know I lost 5 minutes of sleep and that's about it. Bombastically I change the subject to... keyboards and what strange devices they are. The letters are arranged all nice and neat-like so the most used are wherever the most used go and the numbers get placed in a line across the top. Their order is obvious to everyone. Numbers get special treatment. The periodic table of elements always reminds me of a keyboard. Does it ever bother you that some key's shapes seem strange. It never bothers me but you can't tell what bothers some people. Anyway, my Caps Lock key has a funny ledge. Why? It's not like anything bigger than a pencil can fit in the gap between it and A to hit the ledge. Why not just make a slightly wider than normal key key (like is done for all the other special keys)? With that question I stop for today.
09/02/98 - Thank God it's Tuesday. Finally this wonderful day is here... no, wait, it's Wednesday. Bologna brain here can't keep the days straight. My ear itchs. I need a full time ear scratcher... and while they're not scratching they can keep my hair trimmed; it's so hard to stand by the mirror with a pair of scissors and cut only the hairs that should be cut. The problem gets trickier when you have to maintain some symmetry. I don't think completely bald people ever stop to count their blessings; they don't have this problem. I wonder what their drains are like... supposing, of course, they moved into a brand new house after going completely... I bet they still get clogged. In other subjects General Sherman occupied Atlanta 134 years ago today. I wonder if he had as much fun in Atlanta as I've had? Different kind of fun... few Atlanta residents were glad to see him... actually, few are glad to see me (as few actually know me) but I bet many more wished he wasn't there than wish I weren't there. And finally, I have nothing more to say today.
09/03/98 - Another weirdly vivid dream. My parent's neighborhood became a violent place. Mom and Dad took in some neighbors whose front yard was the site of a small arms battle. I was at the house when the shots were being fired; they scuffle occurred behind my parent's. We ran to the back door as a couple, a dog and a little kid came up the steps in a panic. The last thing I recall is seeing the dog plop on the floor by the stereo cabinet as I went to find my Mom who was upstairs. How I know about the violence is beyond me. A few years back there was a high speed chase up the street. I think my Mom and sister witnessed it. Sometimes the Harley's down the street raise the noise level a bit but basically the place is pretty peaceful. I've been reading about skirmishes maybe the Civil War inspired my dream. I don't know the people taking shelter. I thought my parents were pretty nice to provide safety... not that their wall boards are any thicker than anyone else's in the neighborhood, but then the guns weren't shooting in Mom and Dad's front yard. Ok, enough time spent on this. Richmond radio is now as bad as it could possibly be with the one quasi-alternative station morphing into Pete Citerra's greatest hits... blek.
09/04/98 - Belly button lint. Why is it there? Why is it always denim colored (at least for me)? Enquiring minds want to know. Wow, I couldn't remember if it was "Inquiring" or "Enquiring"; I opened Webster's to "enquiring" thus rapidly answering my question. And from the hallway I hear the voice from one Ray new FA programmer guy. He's my shadow. Although he doesn't like coffee so I may have to have my shadow exchanged... just kidding. Ray's a good guy... he drinks Coke which, as I've said many times before, is from Atlanta (which I said just this week) was, 134 years ago, occupied by Federal troops... I didn't say that in the journal, did I? I don't think so. Ok, back to the lint. I always wear white T-shirts, khaki pants and brown shoes. How can I get blue navel lint? I use blue towels. Oh, but wait, a quick check of my current khaki's pockets turns up blue lint. Ahhh, pocket lint and belly button lint are the same color. I may be on to something seriously scientific here. Where else can I seek lint to test it's color? Answers can be emailed to the address below.
09/08/98 - Ok, what shall I say today? How about I'm engaged? That would be the truth and I like to tell people so I guess that's what I'll write. My friend Greg says: "I would have expected a little synopsis of Kara, for your faithful readers. What's she all about? Where is she from, where'd she go to school, what does she do, where are the pictures?! Enquiring minds want to know." Ok, Greg, here goes. Kara is a female me with better taste. I've never met anyone more adaptable. If I could spend ever second in her company I would... except for bathroom breaks... actually, maybe even them. Professionally she works in public health. In her spare time she's an artist and a friend to bunches people. She loves her dog and her family (and me!!!) and blue towels... blue bowls, good chardonay, Nancy Griffith... Help Wanted, travel, cards, letters, planning stuff, decorating stuff, flowers, dress up, babies (uh oh... kidding), animals and so much more. Ok, I'm taking too long to write this. Sorry. Kara is greater than great and that's the important part. Oh, Greg, Johns-Hopkins and I'll get you some soon. I think those are the answers, right?
09/09/98 - I recall Sept 9, 1981. I was a nerd even as an eleven year old. 9/9/81 impressed me because it was the last square day of the century. 9 times 9 is 81. As well as being a nerd I was pretty naive... ok, stupid. I sat on the couch that evening trying to figure out if maybe something had been overlooked. "I bet with all the days left this century there's bound to be another square day that no one has found yet... I'm going to find it before M*A*S*H is over." I didn't find it. I did invent an incredibly useful device though. I took a string and tied a paper clip to one end and a safety pin to the other. This became, among other things, a grappling hook for Luke Skywalker. Can you believe I used to let Han Solo, dressed for the frozen Hoth weather, hang out with Luke, dressed for Tatooine desert conditions; one of them is going to get very sick, don't you think? Ok, Let's see we have 1/1/01 coming soon. 2/2/04 isn't far behind. I'll almost 39 for 3/3/09. I'll likely have high school aged kids when 4/4/16 rolls around. Geez, I'll be my Dad's age when 5/5/25 get's here. Grandkids by 6/6/36. I'll practically be an octogenerian by 7/7/49... I wonder how much my Star Wars figures will be worth then?
09/10/98 - I'm wearing long sleeves. I wore a sweater last night. Yee Ha! (That's southern for "Yippee"... actually, it may be country for "Hey Horsey, get a move on". This is a pretty long parenthetical but I bet I've done better in the past) My ear itches; does that mean anything besides I should buy more Q-Tips? Andy called this morning to say he saw Jimi Hendrix in a white Hyundai stuck with VCU stickers. Ok, read that last sentence again. Now say this phrase "say he saw". Doesn't that sound good. Ok, I've been playing... actually, talking out loud and I have... oh, hell just read this outloud "who say he saw is fun t' say". Oh boy... I'm listening to Cracker. I paused after writing that last line and found myself singing along to "If I could only keep my stupid mind together." So I'm cracked. The Liberty Bell is cracked and people still like it. Steven King is cracked and who sells better than he? The Bible. Have you read that book? I think God is cracked but, as I don't feel like a lightening burn today, I'll keep my mouth shut. I guess my point, while you may think I'm just being blasphemous, is a little damage makes some things better... trail by fire weeds out the weak. Crap. I want coffee.
09/11/98 - Ooo. Big news afoot. Is Big Al in for a job change? It's not too hard to feel sorry for Bill but then it's not too hard to want him punished for crasly handling his personal life AGAIN. What blows my mind is the strange political double standard. If the troubled person is your teammate strive to forgive otherwise persecute the bastard as fiercely as possible. If Bill held any job other than President he'd have been booted and forgotten months ago. But we're sitting here reading the same news for the 9th straight month now... this baby is bound to birth soon, right? How fitting would it be for him to have a renaissance here at 9 months? Ok, let's say he is booted. What would poor Bill do? Well, an unseated President sure makes a nice defendant... Hi Paula. Ok, so Paula got the boot too, but does her case have new merit in light of recent news? This is silly of me. I'm speculating from ignorance about a completely unideal situation. I want an honorable man to step forward and give this country the butt kicking leader it needs. Ok, no butts kicked but a little something for which all of us can be proud would be nice. Too bad politics isn't more like baseball. There's some big and COOL news.
09/14/98 - Ok, as a test I, who hasn't even seen the movie Titanic yet, set out, at 8:20a on a monday morning, to find the Starr report. It took me 10 minutes to find and download the report... in about a half dozen pieces. I could have said "six" but I decided "half dozen" sounded better. Ok, it took 4 minutes to find it; 3 minutes to find it a second time and 3 minutes to decide to just grab six pieces instead of looking for a single piece. The download took an instant. I don't know if I want to read this thing. I've heard from friends all the what's what of it... more reasons not to smoke in my opinion. But if Willy the White Whale goes belly up I want to see that which kills him. Impeachment is serious business... so much so I went back and corrected my spelling when I, at first, typed "Impeachemnt". Sosa tied up the chase; once again there is news I prefer to that of the Titanic variety. And, still, for the ump-teenth day in a row I need coffee.
09/15/98 - Can you believe it? I just got an email from my Mom asking where today's entry is! Mom! I'm busy! Also I have little to say. Congrats to my sister. She, as of Oct 1, will have a much more impressive title than anyone else in the family... Assistant Vice President. I work my butt off and I've had the same title for over 6 years. Wow, that sounds bitter... oops. My sister is a genius and deserves her new title and responsibility and I don't mean to besmirch her coolness. Ok, let's see if I could get my sister a cool present to celebrate what would it be? How about a highrise office? The tallest thing around her banking center is a water tower. I'd higher a construction firm to build a cool glass room up top and then a high speed, covered escalator from her lobby up to (and back from) her new office. No, I'd get them to build a big, enclosed ski gondola with heated/ACed cars and binoculars to run her back and forth. Oh, and the office would have a balcony facing north so she could step outside and see the James river. Way cool, eh?
09/16/98 - Nothing from Mom, yet. Sorry I'm late. See, as a working dude, I have to prioritize differently than my ideal which, today, meant attending a staff meeting them filling the hole left by my early morning absence. But here I am typing like a maniac about nothing. You want to hear about work? When I can dress myself I like it ok. Today we had a breakfast meeting and I ate about 3 cholesterol days of egg. A cholesterol day is a food unit equaling the amount necessary to fulfill the day's cholesterol limit. I ate eggs galore. My friend Kevin had a bagel. I had 2 plates of egg... egg piles, not just a few scrabbled egg chunks but big piles held together with cheddar cheese glue and covered with a country ham tarp. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach and, as I've been a less than faithful runner for a while, there's plenty stomach to feel sick. Ok, let's return to work. I'm teaching myself Perl. So far I can print words... exciting, eh? Holy Cow! The ides of September went right on by without me acknowledging them... cool weather better be on the way. Well, I'll be! My phone rang but the caller dissed me...
09/17/98 - The Battle of Antietam... 136 years ago today... much death. The big news today regards a video tape of Clinton talking angrily about his private life... no death. Sammy Sosa slugs season's sixty third; my favorite current event. Well, today I get to visit a data reporting tool demo. Then I get to work on my team's web page. Then I get to correct problems related to the millennium... you know, dates with only 2 characters for the year (eg 09/17/98) are going to cause the world to stop because 00 is less than 98 but 2000 is greater than 1998. Anyway, us techy types get to spend bunches of hours making sure, for example, programs that calulate your age use 4 digit years instead of 2 digit years. Here's what shouldn't happen: "Let's see Mr. Parker, you were born in '70 and it's 00 now so 00 minus 70 is... oh, my gosh! You won't be born for 70 years!!!" Painful for me, yes. Luckily this guy named Ray joined the team a couple weeks back and has become my understudy so I can pass this work to him (it's a good learning tool, right?)... Unfortunately Ray is in the Bahamas spending the millions he got from the government for investigating the President... somehow I think that's untrue... but he is in the Bahamas this week so I have to fix programs by myself... crud.
09/18/98 - Often I'm an idiot... take last night, for instance. I locked my filing cabinet. This, by itself, isn't that big a deal but I'm not certain where the key is. I might have packed it; I might have thrown it away. I recall seeing it while packing last weekend, but did I say "I'm not certain what this key is; I'll just toss it" or did I pack it in one of about 20 boxes? See, I decided to throw trash out instead of carrying it to a new storage place... and I didn't recognize the filing cabinet key as the filing cabinet key until last night when I pushed that silly button locking the cabinet thinking, in my dellusional state, the button would pop both drawers open. AAAAHHHH! okinothernewsivedecidedtodoawaywithspacespunctuationanduppercase... but that's way to hard to read so I'll stop. Well, only 1 meeting today. That's good. Hi, Mom! Hi, Ann! For those of you who are neither my Mom nor Ann (Kara's Mom), Hi! Hey, why don't you write and suggest a topic; If I like it I might use it.
09/21/98 - Is war necessary? I say "Yes". Before I defend this position I will say war is horrific and a last resort but if someone is coming at you with a big stick you defend yourself. Ok, let's start again. Freewill. That means I decide what I'll do. It also means you decide what you'll do and that person over there who thinks completely differently about everything does so because that's their prerogative. Ok, now suppose someone, acting under their freewill's governance convinces a country and that country's army to invade your country and kill everyone standing in the way. Well, you say "Please don't do this. It's bad; it's not fair; we're innocent." All of which is true but the invaders say "Sorry, we're taking this place for our country because we can." You now go to war, right? Well, maybe living under this new government's control wouldn't be that bad. But let's say they decide the former citizens of your conquered country now have to do all the work while the conquers get to lay around the warm areas drinking margaritas. Now you got to war, right? And you hope your friends around the globe help you because they heard whisperings their countries may be next. Ok, so this situation is overly simplified but it does illustrate why I feel sometimes it's necessary to fight for yourself or your country. Now, are past armed actions just? I simply don't know. Some I'd bet are... like WW2 but others might not be. These questions aren't for now, though.
09/22/98 - Wow! Mitch says tuesdays are the most productive days for car factories. Cheryl asks "can this be true? What about Monday Night Football?" Good point. I guess if Mitch is correct auto workers and Monday Night Football either a) have a positive relationship or b) have no relationship or c) have monkeys in their guns and bubble gum tennis shoes which is about as likely as anything else I've said but sounds much more weird, right? Ok, so here we are almost all the way on the Far Side after just one sentence. Kara has a cold. I got to play nurse... of course I did this in my own clothes as I don't wear the costume... not even for Halloween. Well, as it turns out I'll be at a family gathering this Halloween... what shall I wear? Perhaps I'll get the holidays confused and go as Santa. Well, today is Beatles Day II. I'm on the White Album, disc 2 but the vvaaccuumm (not certain what letters are doubled so I figured I'd double them all) cleaner is too noisy for me to hear... so I pause it. Thanks to my uncle Jim and my bud Ken for the ideas. I'll use some... starting tomorrow. One last thing. Poor Bill. I bet he's not going to forget 1998. Does anyone know under what principle those tapes where released? I'm not a supporter and I think this is unfair to the ole Billy boy.
09/23/98 - Daniel Sickles' leg is in a museum. That's almost gross. He lost it at Gettysburg when he was hit by by a shell... how it managed to stay "donateable" is beyond me... but after its surgical detachment it rented space in the Army Medical Museum (or something like that). I picture a big jar with a leg floating in it... see? gross. Anyway, let's look at some suggested topics: "Why is a fly called a 'fly' and a worm is not called a 'crawl'?" Ken, that's a stupid question but I like stupid so I'll answer it. As it turns out both 'fly' and 'worm' descend from Old English. Wyrm meant 'serpent'. Besides, everyone knows worms don't crawl; they ook or ooze. Ok, Jim, your turn: "The liklihood of the Red Sox and the Mets in the World Series. Remember Bill Buckner?" By a sophisticated mathematical process (which shall remain my secret) I've determined the likelihood of a Mets BoSox Series to be i times the squareroot of (e squared plus pi)... who is Bill Buckner? Does he have anything gross in a museum?
09/24/98 - This is my last day in G-7. I think my new home will be G-9... a smaller one windowed dwelling 2 doors down the hall. I'm removing stuff from this office... actually, I'm putting stuff on the floor so I can better assess the trash factor of each piece. The photo of Brian and I from Handies peak is not trash but the huge pile of documentation for old software is definitely trash. The tapes on which I saved info from a PC I had before the one I just traded for a better one is likely trash. The Win95 documentation from my last PC (the software disk has long since dissappeared from my office) is likely trash, too. Ok, the mountain picture is really on my mind. I SO want to go hiking. Next weekend (Oct 3,4) will be my chance and, dammit, rain or shine I'm going. I miss camping. I miss putting my fat butt on cold ground and trying to sleep after a dinner of freeze dried rice and chicken that would normally taste like garbage but when mixed with hot, filtered creek water tastes like the best damn thing on the planet (next to the deviled ham I'll eat for lunch the next day). See, camping really makes you appreciate everything, except maybe this desk and the old documentation I'm about to trash... I guess the stuff that really doesn't matter is that much clearer having spent a weekend in the woods... does that make any sense?
09/25/98 - Ok, I know it's 3pm. But I moved offices today and I was late getting here and then I ate lunch and then I was dragged to a meeting and then I had to talk to Kevin about Miller Beer. I heard the last Civil War widow died this weekend. She was 96. Ok, That means she was born in 1902 and might have married in 1917 which was 52 years after the war's end so her husband was, if he was 15 when the war ended, 67 when he married her. Weird. And Scott just called. He's not happy the band practice for this evening was cancelled. Brian sent email saying he's psyched to camp next weekend. Sam came in to see the new office and plan a dinner next week. Most folks are down the hall caking with Barb Leake as today is her last day (she's the voice of UR appearing on alomost all voice mails and recorded announcements. I'm tired and it's late in the day late in the week so that's all for today. From my new corner... adios until hasta.
09/28/98 - I've got my Mark McGwire picture set as wall paper. Here's hoping Sammy pulls the miracle 4 homer game from somewhere and ties the record. It really is too bad. I took a break after that last sentence but can't now figure out what I meant. What is too bad? I guess what I meant is I wanted Sammy and Mark to tie. An effort such as Sammy put forth shouldn't fail to live along with Mark's. It's one of those things that would happen in a perfect world but here we are in a world with, among other things, a cheatin' Pres and wars galore. So much for the perfect world thing. Ok, but many things are good. Take F'lynne and Oleg. They were married on saturday. Oleg is Russian and a damn good musician. F'lynne is red, white and blue and a damn good stateswomen. Maybe F'lynne should consider running for office. I'd vote for F'lynne. I'd campaign for F'lynne. Suddenly I'm unsure I've spelled her name correctly. Oh well. Campaign slogan: Be a F'lynne Fan!
09/30/98 - And for my Mother I'm back on the web. See, Mom worries when I don't write. She called last night because her Lee-barometer told her I was sick (I missed a day). Mom (and everyone else concerned about my health), I'm better today... still a little achy and slow and in posession of a whopping head pain (for which I blame no caffeine yesterday) but destine to spend today working not sleeping and reading about the Civil War (which is an awesome way to spend a day... too bad sickness itself isn't as fun). I'm quite please I watched NO junk TV yesterday. I did see the evening news during which I caught a Weight Watchers commercial which offended in a minor way. Are your 5 favorite words "You've been to Weight Watchers"? Hell No! In all honesty I've been curious for some time if contractions pass muster as words. According to my trusty pal Webster, they do. For your pleasure I'll let Webster have a word with you (previous usage definition number 2, a brief remark as in a "word of advice"; now for definition numero uno): a speech sound or series of them having meaning as a unit of language; the written or printed representation of this. So (this is Lee again not Webster), when the Duchess of York says "You've" that's a word. As it is when I type it... I suppose; Because the definition's second half seems to imply tangibility and, in the computer, "words" are neither audible nor tangible... hmmm, a loop hole. We better get the lawyers on this, shouldn't we? Could it be words are not really words until spoken, printed or written? Does Billy boy know this?