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10/01/98 - And the hot weather continues as if Fall forgot its role. "Oh, I'm having too much fun down here in... where ever I am that's warm, sunny and storm undamaged to cool things for all you frustrated, hot people." What happened to the good old days when seasons knew their place? These days all they care about is fun and games and enjoying themselves. I have it from an informed source Winter is in the Bahamas too soused to stand. And Summer is pissed. In fact, Summer is tired. And his budget is spent. He overspent on humidity and the heating bill is through the roof. My informed source says expect substandard Summer output from here on... low humidity and coolish temperatures... clear skies... actually, Fall can stay where ever it is Fall is. I think I may like Summer's slow demise. And maybe, with the excess expeditures this year, next year will be beat... dissappointing to Summer fans but great for the heat hater. How nice would baseball be at about 72 degrees with no humidity? Great. Perfect. It would be like fall ball all season long. So let Fall do what he wants. The possibilities are better for me.
10/02/98 - October 2nd! Hurray! What a great day for... for... well, it's a great day. I'm here. Ok, just had a conversation with my coffee buddy Steve. We've developed a method to brew coffee 6 times as fast as our office coffee maker... we plan to tape 6 machines together. Parallel processing. It works for computers; why not use it for coffee? We could rig tubes to send the output from 6 machines (each with one sixth the necessary ingredients... proportioned properly) into a single pot. On further thought I think it may be possible to have 6 separate hoses in a single machine's water reservior. I bet technology is such that the process's bottle neck is simply the time it takes water to become coffee when falling through coffee grounds. If we can calculate that rate we can supply hot water to the grounds at that rate thus making the fastest possible coffee. Here's my plan. I'll boil a pot of water and pour it directly through coffee grounds to calculate the fastest possible rate at which coffee can be made. Then I take my coffee maker (as Kara and I now have 2 mine will volunteer for the operation) and add tubes until it brews the fastest pot around. Wow! October 2nd is a great day for coffee science! Javaology.
10/05/98 - After a bit of lolligagging I journalize. This weekend I camped. It's slightly distressing to pass, while burdened by 40 pounds of crap heading into what I think are the deep dark private woods, a couple, encumbered by a few granola bars and a 16 oz bottle of Gatorade (obviously out for the afternoon) TWICE! Ok, so my pastime isn't so unique and I go slightly over board... but how many people actually slept on the ground in the rain saturday night? Perhaps that question losses meaning outside the safe, sound US of A. But I'm here so I'll limit valid answers to people with enough time and security to do otherwise. Boy am I lucky to be here, living as I live where I do and with my problems (the worst of which, recently, is: Did I just mail a check to the Visa company my account can't cover?... According to my banker sister the answer is "no"). Anyway, I camped. And I looked down at my hip belt and said "Oh, my God, that's my gut folding over the top!" Yes, friends and family, I, Lee "former runner" Parker, am joining the ranks of the unfit. I shall fight this for a few months then lapse again... it's been like this since I graduated from college and it will be so until I become permanently thin. But it's what I do... like lolligagging, camping and fake philosophizing.
10/06/98 - Big news in the Parker family. Little SC is engaged. I guess she'll be a Navy wife although she'll have almost a year to wait for that honor. Tim, my future brother-in-law, is a JAG lawyer. He wanted to fly jets but his eyesight was too bad and they forced him into a monday night time slot... wait, I think that's some other JAG guy. Ok, so Tim popped the question last night and my little sister said "I guess so." Ok, now I'm making fun of a serious situation. I believe SC reacted similarly to Kara; she made noise for a while but didn't really answer the question. Tim and I interpreted the non answer as exactly what we wanted to hear. "Yes but I'm too overcome to form words." Ok, so anyway I'll be married in March and SC will be in September... that's about 6 months between. My parents are happy. The kids and their partners are happy. The world is a happier place... at least from my point of view but I wish the best to everyone. Now for some work.
10/07/98 - Ok, my ethnicity is Southern American. My Mom's father's Grandfather was Archibald Ritchie Rowzie a Confederate doctor. I believe, but do not know, he worked at Chimborazo, a Confederate hospital in east Richmond after graduating from what amounts to MCV in 1864. With a quick look through his papers I could probably determine more about him; I've yet to do this. I do know his picture; It's hanging over my parent's piano. His bible rests on the piano and in the bible is written this, another beautiful example of the written word's power: Peace to you my wife when I am far away. May that God who holds the destiny of nations in his power keep and preserve you harmless, and may you never have cause to mourn for me tho' we may be separated for years. April 4th, 1865 That was written on a saturday. The day before Federal troops had occupied Richmond. On Thursday the Confederate Government headed south. The next Wednesday R. E. Lee would surrender his army to Grant. Can you imagine all these words meant? He might very well be executed as a traitor. Luckily he wasn't but read that thought as one written by a man whose world is at an end. Astounding. I can't wait to learn more.
10/08/98 - I talked to my uncle this morning. He invited me to a ball game... Yankees V. Indians. I can't go. I have to move crud from my house. But in bigger news I was told my cousin is a newspaper star. As musical talent runs in my family she is, of course, a famous flutist with the Smithsburg (pronounced Smissburg) High Marching Band and Symphonic Outlet for those Sick of Current Pop Music Trends. Ok, so I fabricated the name (actually, I think they're called the Leopard Band though not a one has feline blood in their veins). Regardless my cousin Jill made the paper and I (and soon you), through The Internet's Magic, can see Jill play the flute. I think Jim said Jill was playing either "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osborne or "Inna Godda Daveeda" by Iron Butterfly... or maybe it was a march of some sort... I just can't recall. Well, I'm assuming this link will someday go dry. If you're reading this at some time far in the future from when it was written and you click on the link I'm about to place on this page and you get an error of some sort I'm very sorry. Please email me and tell me to fix my page. As for October 8, 1998, the link is good and I'm glad. Well, here's Jill's picture: My Cousin Jill, Flutist Extraordinaire.
PS Hi, Rest o' the Js!
PPS As my Mom will be interested, here's the whole story.
10/09/98 - I'm waiting for this guy to call me back so I can assess a bad password problem. As is mostly the case the correct password has been forgotten but no one admits they've forgotten their password (except for a special few who get special treatment... no questions asked reseting). I find passwords are best weird yet simple. "buttbrain" would make a great password; it's simple, not in the dictionary and cake to remember. I've never used "buttbrain" nor will I as placing it on a web page isn't a smart thing to do with your password. So anyway, people call me and they say "My password doesn't work today." I look and it certainly appears as if it should so I go through my little 20 questions dance and, in the end, I reset the password but both the person calling and I have wasted 10 minutes. Ok, I forget my age. I forget where I put my wallet. What's the big deal? True, it sucks but doesn't it suck more when you deny it? Minimize suck. That should be a mantra by which all live. It's pretty sucky in and of itself as it uses that questionable word "suck"; allow me to rephrase: "Minimize things that suck"... oops that's worse; too wordy and I still haven't tossed "suck". "Minimize badness." Perhaps this could be improved by an SAT word "Minimize Malaise". Not quite the right meaning but I add alliteration so it's a wash. Off to a meeting. No phone call yet.
10/12/98 - I'm humbled. I forgot my password... today. I had to beg the network administrator to reset it for me. Ug... humiliation. So after I had shrunk down to a quarter inch tall I enlisted a couple ants to ride me back to my office. Standing in the hallway is dangerous. The drafts from below the doors are strong enough to poof me right off ant back; I had to buy toe clips for the stirups. But spying is as easy as it gets. You pay off a fly (a grain of sugar works nicely) to ferry you up to a picture frame and just listen. You'd be surprised how many people read the Starr report when they think no one is looking. Ok, and coffee... when you're this short coffee is terribly hard to find. I can barely get near the pot it's so hot. Luckily people are slobs; They spill coffee lakes all over the break room counter. I come through with my hollowed out styrofoam grain and scoop what I want from the drop. Pretty cool, eh? The best part of being this small is I don't have to work... I can only barely get the keys to work by jumping on them. Hopscotch on the keys: awsxdrtghuiklp;']\... see all the way across.
10/13/98 - I read a book about field surgery at Gettysburg... gross at best. Anyway, as part of the book I discovered much of the Monuments were constructed in the mid 1890s... ok, at least one set was and I'm extrapolating from a small data set that most were... not smart. Anyway, that of the 32nd Mass. went up in 1895. That's 32 years after the battle. Imagine if we officially commemorated the Beatles on Ed Sullivan last year. 32 years is a long time. Heck I'm only 28. Most people fighting at Gettysburg weren't even 32 when it happened. The 32nd Mass. lost about 35%... pretty severe but then that's how it was. "We have come to dedicate a portion [of the Gettysburg battlefield] as a final resting place for those who died here that their nation might live." Those words were spoken about 100 days after the battle by a tall bearded guy. To make this a less morbid piece, do you know why Lincoln grew a beard? A little girl told him he'd look better (I can't recall if it was more sincere or less scary or something else). I think I may agree with the kid.
10/14/98 - The kid's got moves, I tell you. He can twist and wind like highly caffeinated snakes tied together. He can move like the wind in a hurricane. He can turn as if momentum doesn't apply to him. When he talks Dean Whitter listens. I just wish I was him.... who ever he is. I made that up. It's a creation of my mind. The seeds sown to thought grew and raised THAT. Whatever THAT is and I'll tell you once and for all it won't happen again until I decide to try again which I might do at any moment. I close my eyes as tightly as I can squeeze them shut just to feel my facial muscles strain as if the process is an idea juicer... but only my nose is running. I blame that on the morning's stress; driving a wrecked car ,lost, down busy, polluted streets with the windows down inhaling cold exhaust and listening to some freak jabber on about NASCAR is not an ideal way to tick away the pre-coffee moments. But those moments are now my past and I'll forget them as best I can until it's time to trade my crap box rental for my good as new Camry which sits somewhere amid the mayhem described earlier praying (if I may personify my car) for a painless metamorphasis back to its unwrecked state. That's certainly for what I pray right now... well, in a minor way. Kara and I will be in different cities tonight and tomorrow night so I need something to remove my sadness. Oh, don't expect any more journal entries until the 19th.
10/19/98 - Happy Birthday plus a day to my lovely and engaged sister. I am back from my favorite part of the state... the mountains. Phonetically that's the "moun-TANGS". This was a substancial weekend for Kara and I because we, among other things, bought our rings and discussed the service with Mr. Morrison, the minister. I feel it necessary to point out Mr. Morrison was not part of the ring buying process; this process involved Kara, me and $$$. Rings aren't cheap. Pound for pound guitars are a much better deal. Heck, pound for pound I could hire Mark McGwire for less than it would cost to buy his weight in rings... maybe. Actually, a quick jaunt through dimensional analysis proves me incorrect. I might be able to hire him to fetch me a beer for less than his weight in rings, though. So, do you think Mark would grab me a Guiness for $10K or would it cost me more? Mark's weight in rings would probably cost somewhere around 4 million. For that I could probably get him to bring me a case one beer at a time. I could hire him as my World Series butler. "Yo, Mark, I'm hungry. Bring me a slice of cheese pizza with that next Guiness, would you? Oh, I noticed the bath tub looked a touch icky, could you scrub it and launder the towels after that? Plus, would you come take a picture with me so I can prove you were here?" Actually, this would be a great present for my sister's birthday... schucks! Kara and I already bought her something else... ok, you got me; Kara did all the shopping.
10/20/98 - Joe the coffee bean is dead and ground has had hot water run through his remains. Survey says good things. Steve says "No Bitter after taste." Lee says "May I have another cup, please?" Siskel and Ebert don't give a rats butt. Let's turn the topic to the Wisconsin Senate race. In doing so I've convinced myself public radio deserves my support (that was an aside). Senator Feingold (perhaps I don't recall the name correctly) decided to accept no soft money thus unilatterally (however that word is spelled) and voluntarily impossing campaign finance reform on himself. I don't know squat about this guy's beliefs but I praise his efforts to act as he believes. Here we go: praise, praise, praise. What do I like about his action? He says "Norfolk, I'm standing by my principles and not simply doing those things that will most easily get me elected." All politicians should do this. But public radio needs my help so I must stand by the economic principles in which I currently believe which are: spend $$$ to increase your happiness. Vote, spend, vote, spend, praise, eat, sleep, drink coffee, spend, spend, spend. Fast paced is the world in which we live.
10/21/98 - Have I mentioned the Coffee Confederacy recently? We strive to get as good and costless a cup as possible each morning. We experiment frequently. This morning marks a failed attempt at better brew. Steve (the group's main instigator) brought our ingredients to the industrial machine located in the IS breakroom. Theory being the ideal brew time is 5 minutes per pot and our machine, while using fresh beans and water, takes about 12 minutes or 7 minutes too many. The industrial machine, filled with questionable tap water, created coffee in 3 minutes 30 seconds. Unfortunately I may be mislabelling the output "coffee" as it is weak... very weak. Our standing hypothosis is the grounds we use are too coarse for such a rapid brew process whereas the normal industrial crud is finer thus better suited for the quick brew... but who cares about the idustrial crud? Good Coffee Quickly and Cheaply is our mantra and we shall have our desire... we'll pass laws. Heck with Bread and Circus; this democracy's weaknesses are more modern.
10/22/98 - Unique experience: Help Wanted played a bar in NoVa last night; this is nothing new. World Series game 4 was last night. The bar's TV was above the stage. Looking from the stage out to the vast ("vast" as redefined by me) crowd I saw... all eyes on the TV. I stopped looking at the crowd myself; It is the 1998 Yankees, isn't it? I can play and watch ball. It's not like I'm entertaining anyone anyway; I might as well turn around and watch the game with everyone else. I think I may be the only one in Help Wanted with an ounce of care for the results. Ok, interesting item: Scott says Sport (Scott's boss and a former colleague of mine; he's a Canadian... important detail) noticed US news casts say "Accident blah blah blah victim taken to the hospital" but Canadian news casts say "Accident blah blah blah victim taken to hospital"... The article is gone. Hmm, sounds funny sans article but then I go to school; I go to church (well...). See, sometimes we use the article and sometimes we don't... WHY? Scott thinks the Canadians may be correct; when the object is specific an article is used but when it could be one of any general objects the article is omitted. "The hospital" is a specific place but hospital is a class of places. Poorly said, Lee; regardless, ponder.
10/23/98 - If one believes scientific theory life became of nothing. This being so it is not inconceivable I could conjour a decent entry from nothing but we all know that's unlikely. Let's change the subject. How about fantastic wishes. We all know physics, right? Specifically, we all know, of the four basic (known) forces, gravity is the weakest. Electromagnetism, being basic force, is thus stronger than gravity. Examples of this are magnets sticking to the fridge instead of falling to the floor or statically charged balloons (like the one I just rubbed on my head and tossed at the wall) cling to the wall instead of tumbling to the floor. Umm, 30 minutes have passed and I'm currently involved in a baseball discussion: what happens when a batter hits himself with the ball? I'm also eating a popcorn ball... very interesting. Ok, my baseball source called to say a hit off the batter is a dead ball so long as the batter is in the box when hit. And with that factoid I leave you for the weekend. Crap, I forgot about my fantastic wish! I wanted to invent boots for walking up walls that used static electricity to grip. Now I need to figure how to hold the rest of my body in a position to make the ascent.
10/26/98 - Ok, in a perfect world today would be a day off, actually, everyday would be a day off. Work would be fun. Funner. And Funnest. I was supposed to go to the beach yesterday but didn't. Instead Kara and I went to Maymont. I learned more history. Maymont was the home of some filthy rich Richmonders who, as even filthy rich people do, died. But when they died they left their home to the city. The city turned it into a park, bought some animals, printed up some brochures and basically did a pretty bang up job. Let's see... the filty rich were named Dooley. He was a Confederate major and she was a May before becoming a Dooley (May Mount was the original place name). When I was little I was shown the Dooley mausoleum and really freaked. Death and I still don't get along well. I was fascinated that right beyond this stone door thing were dead people. For some reason these particular dead people really weirded me out. It had something to do with the folk song about Tom Dooley who was about to hang for killing his friend or wife or whoever it was he killed. See, more death. Well, I've grown to appreciate Maymont. I can go and dwell on things other than the dead folks in the stone box. But I still say a quiet "hey, thanks for the park". Lots of childhood feelings are gone. I miss them, though; especially the fascination. Note to self: Perhaps you like learning stuff because it reminds you of kidliness. Perhaps your yearning for learning is just a means to stay young.
10/27/98 - Life is dangerous. And today, so is my office. O YEA! My officemate is out sick and I have in my computer's CD player "Millennium FUNK Party", 2 Stevie Wonders and the "Saturday Night Fever" soundtrack. Juiced! I tell you. No Foolin', we got a puddin' dippin' HOT time in the cube today, man. Get Down! Get loose. Forget your worries. crap... I'm at work. I'm wearing a short sleeve button up and khakis; what's more silly than Dilbert doing his best John Travolta move? Well, a 44 year old, twice as large as he was at 24 John Travolta trying to do his best move approaches Dilbert in silliness. Ok, but fact is my office at 9am tuesday morning is neither the time nor the place to funk out but I do feel better having taken the jaunt into fantasy... Did I mention Lakeside's "Fantastic Voyage" is coming up soon on this Funk Party disc? I have something to anticipate with glee as I dive back into the finance report I must dissect... I'd prefer a frog, frankly. Freedom through Funk, brothas and sistas! O YEA. PEACE! And the lights come down and the music gets louder and I drift placidly back into fantasy as the Average White Band extrudes cool from my speakers. Please excuse this entry; I'll try harder tomorrow.
10/28/98 - I'm a touch nerdy. I'm good at math. The other day a message showed up preaching the mystical powers contained in this year (1998). You pick a number, multiply it by 2, add five, multiply by 50, add 1748 if you've had your birthday (1747 if not) finally subtract your birth year. You get a 3 digit number. The first digit is your orginal number and the last 2 digits are your age. Whoop dee dee. Alegbra isn't all that mystical. I sent a quick explaination to the people, aside from myself, who received the original piece. From, what I guess is a very bitter person, I received an order to go to Hell. That wasn't very nice. I replied correcting their grammar (as I was offended and wanted to jab back). They wrote a nasty note back which I guess I deserved. But now I'm thinking how pointless this business is. Two strangers in a pissing contest. Who needs one more bad thing in a world full of bad stuff? I certainly don't. I received a chain letter this morning asking me to compliment the people around me. I chose not to send the chain letter to anyone (as I never do) but I think I will try to be positive today. It's a good day. Most people have good in them. I intend to make as many days good days as possible and make as many people good people as possible. So, to the bitter woman I offended, I'm sorry.
10/29/98 - Ok, I'm working on a new front page. Tell me what you think. Remembering, of course, it's not completely integrated yet. My initial thoughts are the picture is a touch too big and the background a touch too plain. My next improvement will be adding a left boarder frame. Ok, now for some thinking. The Klan wants to march in Georgia saturday and this Virginian minister says Dr . Slepian's shooting death is just because he was a killer. Why does the South seem to be the container for such thought. What is it about us southerners that makes us prone to racist and religiously right-wing ideas. Out in the mid-West you get Uni-Bombers and Oklahoma City Bombers. Up North you get New Yorkers. I guess that's a bit of a narrow-minded joke but it just proves my point because I, a southerner, made it. Down here we think differently and it truly seems to be a regional thing. Why? I'm embarrased to be grouped with Klansmen and Doctor Killer supporters. But I think weird thoughts so I can't claim to be more wise. The best anyone can do try your best and pray God accepts you when you die. Or maybe we're already in Aytch Eee Double Toothpick already. I know we're not because I still manage to have some fun. The south is pretty hot, though... even this fall.
10/30/98 - 30 days have september, april, june and november so we have one more this month. Today I'm dressed as a fly... more appropriately, a bug. Our whole team is bugs. There are beetles and spiders and lady bugs... oh my! And I'm Superfly (that's a pun spawned by my recent trip back to the 70s). Ok, it's after lunch now and our team took first prize in the cartoon contest... I mean costume contest. I just took another break to drive our prize, a remote control car, around the office. I'm not great at driving toward myself. I think had the car been a remote control plane I would have hit myself or something else. But as it is I had fun. Fun. That's the name of the game. I heard from an old friend yesterday. She's engaged, too. Fun, big news. Funny how life works but fun. Speaking of funny I just noticed a black widow's hour glass turned side ways is the Budweiser logo. Happy Halloween; Have fun.
