05/01/00 - May is here. I realised I'm playing a version of a vastly popular gameshow at home. There is a twist: the contestants are my dogs. The game is called "Who Wants to go Outside?!". The questions aren't questions and the contestants always win. It's played like this: First the theme music... Marta hits the sleigh bells we have hanging in the backdoor. The host enters... that's me; I come from somewhere in the house usually where I'm doing something from which I really don't want to be pulled but that fact is beside the point. The host asks the famous question: Who WANTS to go outside!? And then the game begins: "Sit"... the dogs sit. "Stay"... The dogs keep sitting. The door opens... the dogs twitch but stay seated. "Ok" and the winners go get their prize (ie the dogs go outside). Ok, so it's not very exciting... but I guess the secret is to make exciting things that otherwise would be dull. Hey, it's May.
05/02/00 - It's now tuesday. Another day named after a Norse god. Tiu was Mars with a horned helmet. I guess that means today is a day for fighting. Or perhaps today is a day named after the war god to keep him from getting mad. Regardless, there are many work days betwixt today and the day named after the father of Zeus who also happened to be in charge of harvest festivals. I heard the most clever poem ever brought to my attention this weekend. I heard it on the radio... NPR... CarTalk, the most clever discourse concerning vehicles ever brought to my attention. Ok, here goes... this is a limerick (named after a town in Ireland):
A
dozen, a gross and a score
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.
Not only is proper poetry but the math is soild. The author is a genius and, I hope, well rewarded for their effort. Back to work for me.
05/03/00 - Public Service Day: I moved about a year ago. I used to live in the 7th Congressional District which has been served by Thomas Bliley about as long as I can recall. Sadly I didn't know in what district I now live. It took me at least 30 minutes to discover the answer: 3rd. My congressman is Bobby Scott. Bobby Scott's website sucks. I won't send you there. I will send you to the fancy pants site wherein info regarding national representation can be found. All people who expect anything from the government should know who their represetatives are. Find yours here. Enter your zip code and get the info.
05/04/00 - I have a load of borrowed stuff on my desk... including the departmental purchasing card which will be here for only a few more minutes so you internet theiving types need not start salivating. I get to go to the Mid Atlantic Oracle Professionals conference next weekend in Old DC... actually NoVa, which is much worse than DC, so I'd prefer to think of the trip as one to a place I like. Mitch and I take the train leaving R,VA at 6am. That means I arise at 4:30am which SUCKS... worse than Representative Bobby Scott's web site. Ok, so I get up early, shower, caffeinate then train to a conference. I learn about stuff like... see, the conference doesn't have a stellar web site either which is a bit like barefoot shoe salesman. In other news, the Braves streak ends at 15 which is both highly impressive and highly disappointing. How many "S"s in the previous sentence's last word? I don't care to discover the truth right now. Well, time to return some things.
05/05/00 - Well, the Braves didn't play last night and the Love Virus has hog tied UR's email so I'm pretty much without a topic. That is SO untrue. I took the window AC unit out of the wall last night. Not I have to become a mason and a sheet rock dude so I can plug the hole. I fastened a piece heavy duty ply wood over the hole with 1.5" screws. If it didn't look so silly I'd say "Just leave the plywood. I had to chop a giant sheet of plywood with a crosscut saw... very humorous. I had a line if someone were to ask me why I didn't use a power saw: "I'm Amish; my people prefer to do it this way." I'm not Amish. I'd like to have a power saw but it just wasn't worth the money... so my line isn't straight. The ply wood is attached on the inside and the hole is still tiddy from the outside; it's not super tacky. My friend Scott, when he heard I had plywood blocking a hole into my house said: " Wow, you need to come with me to the NASCAR race tomorrow. Can you believe R, VA accumulates hundreds of thousands of race fans twice a year. I never thought of my city that way. Oh, well. Heck, I guess I should be glad the demand for plywood allowed me to get a slice... but then I guess people have better things to do this weekend. Email is back!
05/08/00 - The Flat Tire Story: Ok, my parents are moving. I was supposed to be at the house around 10am yesterday morning. I left my house slightly later than I planned. My family is usually pretty punctual so I was upset... not greatly though. The trip takes me through about 10 stoplights (I could count but I haven't); I hit everyone green. Whoa! I went from late-ish to early/on-time just like that. "Boy, am I lucky" I thought. Dave Matthews came on the radio and I'm singing and happy behind the wheel until... what is that sound? Turn the radio off... during Dave... painful. Yup, something sounds funny... and not funny "Ha Ha". So then the white car that could came to the sharp left turn... and something fely funny... and not funny "Ha Ha". So the car went up the hill and the driver pulled onto the grassy shoulder at the first safe spot. Then the driver, with coffee cup in hand, walked the last half mile and got his sister who, along with her husband, was also help Mom and Dad move. Bummer. True Story.
05/10/00 - Hot. Very Hot. UR sees it fit to do steam plan maintenance after graduation every year. The weather sees it fit to be HOT AS HELL to celebrate the lack of climate control. I sit. I sweat. I suffer. I. I. I. It's all me. And I'm miserable. It's hot here. Very hot. Ok, enough about me. Want to hear about my brick masonry skill? I have none. But that didn't stop me from bricking up a hole in the back wall of my house. It seems an AC was installed smack in the wall. Why? I don't know, but I didn't have the will to pay someone to fix it so I did it myself... mistake number... you know, I lost count of the mistakes I've made. Anyway the replacement job is solid but messy. The mortar cement ran all over and the bricks don't really make nice neat lines. But, like I said, it's solid. Now for the interior side... let's see how that goes. Too hot to write more.
05/15/00 - Ok, I got a new job. Fortunately it's here at UR but it requires much more work. I actually didn't have time at all last thursday to write and friday I was in DC learn new stuff. My title is now "Applications DBA". DBA, for those of you who have no reason to know, means Database Administrator; a DBA does much of the behind the scenes stuff to keep big software applications on their feet. This work is grueling; pity me. Ok, just kidding. I'm excited about the new challenges and frontiers I'll now see. I hope to soon be playing with some powerful tools. Who knows, maybe I'll even get some new web stuff to show you. So, excuse me if my writing get's worse; I'm working harder than before but endeavor to provide the same silly content I've always provided... whatever that means.
05/16/00 - Today is Marta's birthday (as far as we can tell). She is now a year old and every bit as ratty as she's ever been. She's about 40lbs... still black and tan and white with a big spot on her right side. She bit my nose this morning. And chewed on my arm and got me out of bed when I didn't want to get out of bed but I wouldn't trade her... well, maybe I would if the price were right but this isn't an appropriate topic for her birthday. I don't think we have anything but a bone for her this evening. Kara will wrap it in tissue paper (which may be more appealing than the bone) and let her play. Hopefully she'll soon start sleeping through the night.
05/17/00 - The grass was cut last night. The sprinkler was placed on a dry area... too late, I know but... we'll leave it there. Dinner was oat meal with fruit and wheat germ (ok, and a little sugar). I got kinda spooked reading last night. The appendices for The Lord of the Rings are written as if a character from the story wote them. I don't know why that weirds me out. I also have a few reference books on Tolkien's writing. One of them is written like Tolkien's works weren't so much written by him as translated from ancient texts Tolkien had found. Yeah, Tolkien kinda played with that idea but he considered it part of the story, not real. In the Preface to The Lord of the Rings Tolkien talks about sending recently completed pieces to his son during WWII. The whole "diving into the myth" thing is a bit much for me now. Geez, it's a story! A good one, yes. And very complex and complete with background material strewn over many volumes some of which, no doubt, have yet to be published. You know, maybe I need a vacation. Yup, no doubt so time to rest is what I need. Somethings just aren't meant to be taken seriously. Read into that what you'd like.
05/18/00 - Ok, as part of my new job I'm on the team upgrading our administrative software. Our intrepid trainerboy set a web camera on the desk from which all the work is being done. Check it out. Basically upgrading software just require someone to type a script... it's like acting with a type writer. The problem is if something goes whacky then the typist has to know what to do. Luckily a former holder of my position is on shift with me so the entire burden doesn't fall on my shoulders... not that I couldn't handle it. Well, it's almost time for me to take the keyboard.
05/22/00 - Well, I've less than a week of my 20s left and I'm about to have a daughter... well, my wife is about to have our daughter. Hannah will be 30 weeks at the same time I'm 30 years. Interesting but meaningless factoid. For some reason I'm not bothered by 30 like I was by 26. What does bother me is tight pants... see, I'm shifting blame; it's not the pant's fault. Lee eats too much and sits too much drinks too much beer. Do you know why? Because what could be better than sitting at a ball park with peanuts, hot dogs and beer? The answer is: Sitting at a ballpark with peanuts, hot dogs, beer, good weather, good company and watching the Braves stomp the Mets knowing a limo waits to take you home safely. Did I mention the part about the band playing behind the back stop? Ok, so my waist is expanding. I can fix it. That's good. It is within my power to fix the thing that bothers me... that's better than good. I can't help turning 30.
05/24/00 - Why It Sucks To Be A Coffee Cup by Lee's Coffee Cup. Ok, First of all, have you ever been out in the snow the come inside and washed your hands? Do you know that burning feeling? That's just a 60 or 70 temperature difference. When Lee pours coffee in me I go twice that... several times a day. Then there's the licking part. My God! Mouths all over me. Do you think that's fun? And it's not like I ever get set down smoothly... NO! He has his mind on other things as he slams me down amidst the junk on his faux wood desk. And hygiene? Do you think I've been cleaned this year? Nope. The best I get is wiped with the sandpaper they call "Paper towels"... HA! Do you know what's growing where the insides meet the bottom? I don't, but I can narrow it down to something brown. And then there's the music. He may sit a few feet from the speakers but I sit a few inches from them. My left ear is ok but I can hear nothing but a dull ringing in my right ear. What is this crap he likes, anyway? Pearl Jam, Phish those aren't band names... geez. Don't even get me started about the fluorescent lights. Now do you see why it sucks to be a coffee mug?
05/25/00 - In the dream it was the eyes. They eyes weren't human; they were more grey and larger and packed fun of intensity and color but they weren't meant to be seen. You couldn't look them in the eyes... at least not if you knew who they were or your perception would be known to them. And when they know you can see them they stopped hiding from you. Their faces grow hideous and deathful. Their exposed skin boils and their teeth and nails become like iron. They're not afraid to hunt you in a crowd because, no matter how you scream and beg, people refuse to believe beings so contray to rational thought walk among us. You'd be so busy trying to save yourself you'd be condemned. They didn't have to touch you... but they could. And if they did it was over. So you'd have to try or surrender hope. What choice is worse? Ignorance is not bliss but knowledge is terror.