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03/06/97 - The sun is an amazing thing. Having not seen it since february I was overwhelmed this morning. My car faced east so I just sat in the parking lot and let it warm my face. With my eyes closed I could see my eyelids, at least that's what I think I saw. They're red with dark streaks. From 93 million miles away I can feel stuff (stuff being another word for radiant energy... in my opinion "stuff" does the trick slightly better in this case)... amazing. The world is full of wonders for those willing to experience them; never forget. Software conferences are not wonders... who am I kinding? I was, for 5 days, deluged with stuff (in this case "stuff" is not radiant energy). Stuff is people, facts, citiness and propaganda. I survived. My favorite thought I'm able (and willing) to share occurred to me while running (quickly) on a treadmill: "What'll happen if the power suddenly goes off?" That console was not at a pleasant height. I learned some particularly useful facts and I met some people with whom I've spoken but never seen. At any rate, software conferences are wonders but not necessarily wonderful. We'll leave it at that and I'll go listen to a week's worth of phone messages and read the same period's worth of email. Wasn't I smart to write this before doing anything else?
03/07/97 - So I walked into the bar. Maybe it was the neon, maybe it was the music, but from the street I knew I had to enter the doors. I gagged and gasped for fresh air in the the small, dark, brass and wood adorned room during the first couple of rounds but the tequila eventual effected me much more than the smoke. It was at this point that she walked up to me. I'd never approach a stranger in a bar and I think she knew that. She spoke. Of course it was Swedish or Norwegian or something else I couldn't understand but I didn't care for words and neither did she. We danced. I stepped on her toes a few times before she wised up and sat me back down at the bar. She removed a small deck of cards from her bag and placed them on the wooden bar. Huh? She dealt me 11 and herself 10. I think we played gin, but I couldn't decipher anything through the haze of tequila. I think she ordered more shots, but by the time I picked myself off the floor she was gone. Or did that guy with the broom pick me up from the floor? See, I told you it was hazy.
03/10/97 - Ok, yesterday was somewhat strange. I wrote a stupid song... I'll share the words:
I'm on a mission to eat more granola
To drink more canola
everyday.
My mission might take me to Mars and beyond.
My mission might
take me to the stars.
My mission ignition key I seem to have lost.
This might cost me.
I also wrote a waltz... my first piece of written music ever. I've written dopey songs before. I've even written decent songs, but I've never put notes on ledger paper before yesterday. Ok, all music stuff aside, my friend Steve called last night. He made me apologize to my running socks. It seems I had thoughtlessly separated my socks into two drawers. One drawer was for running socks and the other drawer I carelessly and to the consternation of my running socks labeled my "Regular Sock Drawer". This belittled my running socks and may explain the mysterious pains in my ankles. I have reconciled the situation and hopefully my running socks forgive me. Henceforth I have a "Running Sock Drawer" and a "General Purpose Sock Drawer". I love days like yesterday.
03/11/97 - My computer and I just had a fight. Something somewhere is wrong with the campus network and my buddy here wouldn't boot up correctly until his network was happy. I did what I had to. I showed this sparking box of pieces more complex than my weak understanding allows me to grasp who is boss. I booted Sparky in safe mode and took away his "phone" line. Then I rebooted him again and he had no clue his networked pals had left for Florida without him. I had planned to write about an insulting phone call from a college friend asking me to join his merry band of Amway reps but that topic no longer seems fun. I learned to write Haiku yesterday and, if you'll bear with me for a moment, I'll put one together especially for you:
spring morning air chills
eyes
burn opened only once
still the day's routine
I think I counted the syllables correctly. I was told I'm subtly arrogant. Do you think it has anything to do with a compulsion to master the details long enough to demonstrate a cursory understanding then forgetting the point? What was I saying?
03/12/97 - I had a relatively weird thing happen to me yesterday. I was meeting some friends for lunch and EVERYBODY SHOWED UP 15 MINUTES EARLY. How weird is that? I'm used to showing up 15 minutes early and waiting 30 minutes for everyone else who show up 15 minutes late. Ok, I have this evening ritual. When I'm getting ready to turn in for the evening I sit on my bed and remove my socks. I take the socks and try to throw them into my dirty clothes basket. I always make a conditional wish, something like "If I get both socks into the basket I'll be showered in good fortune tomorrow." I usually miss at least once. But when I do make both I can't really tell if the wish worked. I find it so funny that I let myself get bowled over by hookie stuff like wishes. I know it's just a game, but who or what do I expect is out there counting my shots? Perhaps God is so utterly incomprehensible that counting sock shots is interesting. But I made the rules... If I sink 2... Maybe I'll change the rules so it's easier for me to win and see what happens. I'll keep careful records and turn this into a scientific experience. The scientific aspects of foolishness... another bad idea by Lee.
03/13/97 - Oh great time of foolishness. Here I am with weird dreams and weird ideas and a normal life and a normal job. My friends have called me everything from mean to wasting away. But they still talk to me. How bad can I be? I'm writing more music. So far my pieces are short. I have 16 bars written toward a duet. All I need now is the second part and I'll have my second 30 second piece of music. That's 1 whole minute. 60 more of these and I'll have enough for a CD! Yipee Skip. I should print up business cards: "Lee Parker, Warped Genius sans potential". Ok, I need a better mood. Today is no officemate day on my CD player. John is out learning to fly a plane so I brought in 5 live Grateful Dead CDs and 1 live Phish CD. I've left the door barely open and turned up the volume. Perhaps this will improve my mood. If not, I'll resort to large doses of office coffee swill... Swine juice.
03/14/97 - The transition from BC to AD confuses me somewhat, but tomorrow is, like, the 2040th anniversary of Julius Caesar's assasination. I find it incredible we know so much about a man who lived (something like) 80 generations ago. I also find it ironic that I used the possessive (JC would have called Genitive if he learned Latin like I learned Latin... which is doubtful) to attach an assasination to a person. How does one possess their assasination? Strange the way language works, isn't it? "What?! This assasination is mine? It can't be mine; I've never had an assasination before. No, I don't want it... take it back... TAKE IT BACK!!!" Someone needs to teach me how to coordinate footwear, socks and pants. I'm wearing brown shoes, blue pants and black and white argyles. But enough about my poor fashion sense, I'm batting .875 in the NCAA pool in which I'm swimming!!!
03/17/97 - Oh Wow! What a fun weekend I had. I played music in a bar that treated us well; The bar is called Fat Tuesdays's it's located in University Mall in Fairfax... go see them. Ok, I saw friends whom I've not seen in quite a while. My friends rock. I worked sunday evening. On my work PC I have a Klingon Klock. My Klingon Klock tells me the time in Klingon (as one might expect a Klingon Klock to do), but, being here in the evening, I heard it say things I've never heard it say before. Strange. I had a McDonald's dinner. Look closely at the Monopoly soda cups. I swear there are no french fries on the cup but instead there are carrot sticks masquerading as french fries; It's evil moving backwards. I went to bed at 9:15p and arose at 6:45a and I'm still tired.
03/18/97 - It appears my network may be down. This is no reason to delay my journal writin g. Today is starting in an exceptionally cool way. It's sunny. I have 7-11 coffee (a friend who reads this regularly hates 7-11 coffee so he might balk at that state ment). I have Phish on the CD player. I have natural light (none of this crappy fluore scent stuff for me, thank you; although Porter will arrive shortly and snuff the good stuff). I'm expecting a good day. I'll run this afternoon; I took a week off to let a bum ankle catch a break. Last night at my guitar lesson I presented another original piec e. I need to add fingerings and a second part. After that I'll develope it into a lo nger piece. Creation rocks. You know what? I think I'll open my window. It's supp osed to rain today, but I'm going to take advantage of the dryness whilst I can. The network is still down... bummer.
03/19/97 - Ok, it definitely rained yesterday. It's definitely raining right now. This weather reminds me of a warmer version of the weather I experienced during my tenure in Philly... sucky. It also reminds me of my travel dislike. I dislike travel. I like to see people and nice places, but traveling irks me. I'm naturally high strung (we've been through this before) and things to which I'm unaccustom make me uncomfortable. I'm going to Atlanta this weekend and will be, of course, travelling (I checked the dictionary; I can use 1 "l" or 2; I'll try one of each). But I'm seeing friends so it's worth the itchiness. Can I call travel discomfort "itchy"? Why not? I heard some radio guys mess up this morning. They call the standard game for the Atari 2600 "Tank Battle" when I know full well it's called "Combat". There were jets and bi-planes not just tanks. Am I already such a grumpy old man that missing a video game title messes me up this greatly? I need to chill; perhaps a long drive will help.
03/20/97 - The music's loud and sun is in the afternoon forecast. I haven't had coffee yet but I'm feeling ok. I went swimming yesterday. Today my body aches. My knees are sore. My neck is tight. My triceps are tender. DON'T TOUCH ME! I can't wait to go again. Tonight I leave to drive to Atlanta. I have a large group of important to me people there. Once more possesive just doesn't s eem right. Things are brightening outside already. I'm going to get some good lights for this office, but now I'm going to open the window as I can think of no reason to keep the fresh air outside. Of course I do sit next to a parking lot with a loading dock: How fresh can the air be? It's outside therefore it's intrinsically more fresh or something like that but don't quote me on it because what do I know about the evilness of inside versus outside air? Ok, back to the real world. Who knows what Janet Reno's up to? I heard some DJs talking about how the Supreme Court needs to do something about the smut on the internet. Hello, Mr DJ... did you have to take 11th grade civics? The Supreme Court does not legislate; Congress does that. Of course I've had my eyes open for the past 10 years too so maybe I can excuse your basic ignorance of that without which you don't get a high school diploma. It's a depressing world when even high school civics is all theoretical and the reality differs so greatly. Here comes a big, diesel truck up to the loading dock.
03/24/97 - Ok, I'm back from Atlanta. I must say books on tape are, perhaps, the best way to pass driving time. I learned all kinds of meaningless stuff about Lewis Grizzard's life and antiquated views on race and gender. I learned that H.G. Wells took far too long to tell a short story. I learned that despite their lack of centralized government the ancient Greeks developed a homogeneous architectural style. I learned the Egyptians were probably very proud of their pyramids and built them without the use of slave labor. And I learned Confuscism may be the only pseudo-religion wherein the main teacher claims no divine purpose or guidance. Atlanta was a blast. My friends were as inspirational as ever. I went to attend an engagement party but I did so much more. The best moments were had sitting on porches talking or running (which may also be the worst moment). The event I'm most often reminded of now was moving a ~300lb bush in my friend's backyard. I remember so clearly and constantly because my forearms still ache from the strain. I can't wait to go back and see these people. The weird part is, with these people I also feel strangely underclassed. I feel guilty for not being as interesting or fulfilled as they. I'm glad they accept me and they serve, more than anything else, as a motivation for me.
03/25/97 - As I am back from a trip to see interesting and challenging people I have entered into a period of introspection. I can see clearly some of my faults but I must avoid the denial that normal follows such revelation. So I'm a lazy, procrastinating conflict avoider... I think I'll watch TV. This attitude will damn me to an existance inside my cesspool of stagnation. And could you bring me another G&T while you're up? Ok, what can I do to reach a place in which I may dwell comfortably? I can make lists of the things I don't do well and actually try to better myself. I've already forgotten to learn CPR. I did my taxes 2 months ago but have yet to mail them... and I'm getting money back!!! I need to write a letter thanking the hosting couple of friday night's bash for my friends Bo and Bonnie. I need to finish or actually start writing down the music in my head before it goes the way of many bright ideas... toward the darkness shrouding my mind's piles of forgotten things. Perhaps I was never meant to gain the piece of a defined life with which I'm happy but I think I'll try to attain it. As my friend Brian writes on his emails "Always have a Quest."
03/26/97 - As I filled my car with gasoline last night I thought: "I bet these pump handles are the dirtiest things on this planet." Every filthy car driver puts gas in their car and probably grips this handle with sweaty, unwashed hands... how gross. I got Premium because I bet fewer people get that grade than any other and I bet those few people have cleaner hands than most. I'm sniffle boy morning... I seem to be highly allergic to spring. I've known this for 15 years and have yet to find a decent symptom crushing drug. Perhaps I'll take some time and fly to the Bahamas and lay on pink sand drinking gin drinks without a blasted, stinking, sneeze prompting, misery bringing oak tree in sight. Since my officemate is not yet here I'm listening to the Grateful Dead over the internet. I think the Dead are the least understood band around. Most people can't get over the fact that tree huggers followed them around and avoided real lives for the instant pleasure of real drugs. I could never do that but I do enjoy the Dead's music in and of itself. Well, maybe I could be a Deadhead, but I'd be a pretty lousy one... for one thing how could someone as allergic as I hug trees?
03/27/97 - Today is an odd numbered day so it's my responsibility to pick the Porter/Parker Word of the Day. Yesterday's word was Metacarpus which is the hand between the fingers and the wrist. Today's word is Sybarite which is anyone very fond of luxury and pleasure. Pretty much who isn't? Perhaps there exist those, who for religious reasons maybe, consider nice things bad but I dare you to find one. Ok, we're having a brunch at work this morning. I'm very forgetful so I decided to bring doughnuts because I knew I'd forget them and, with doughnuts, all I have to do is leave now and I can get them before the brunch starts. Perhaps instead of planning around my absent mind I should take steps to fix the problem. My last self improvement effort (of 2 days ago) is a list from which I've yet to accomplish anything. I have big plans, though. Ok, I'd better go fetch these doughnuts. I'm thinking I'll get the chocolate doughnut holes from Ukrops. Hasta.
03/28/97 - I've been writing all morning. Answering emails; sending new emails. About every 5th word I had to pick up my dictionary and check spelling. How long will this continue? I bet I'll have a spell checker in email before too long. I bet there'll be spell checkers everywhere. I wonder how this will affect the 2nd grade? I remember spelling tests. Will they be rendered moot? I doubt it, but it's possible. "Dad, why do I have to learn my multiplication tables? I can just use a calculator." I bet my kids will say something along these lines about spell checkers. Since I have no kids it will be at least 10 years before they'll be old enough to have these questions... how far will spell checking technology have progressed? Got me, but I'm excited. I'll still strive to spell correctly, but it will nice to know I've a double checker. Well, on a different subject, today is organic music day. Porter is not here so I'll have (more than) a days's worth of Grateful Dead, Dave Matthew's Band and Phish CDs.
03/31/97 - Another month closes today. Sometimes I can't believe I'm cutting through time so quickly. Sometime I can't believe how weird musicians are. I watch bands and their absolute strangeness is their only striking quality. Do I have to be weirder than these people to make a point? I know that performing music is more than just presenting music well. Somehow the crowd needs to be visually pleased, but there must be a better way than weirdness. Perhaps it's all clever marketing. The A&R guy says "Listen. Your only hope is to shock people so profoundly they don't notice your music is simply ~okay~." I think my challenge as a performer will be to make myself interesting without martyring my sense of comfort for an audience. Strangely, this tactic may apply to life in general. Lee's aphorism du jour: "Life: the ultimate performance artform." Well, look at that; I'm suddenly acting wise. I'm far too young for this.