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01/04/99 - This is the first time this year I've written the date. I guess it doesn't feel all that special because I didn't stay awake for the change. December rolled by like big old 18 wheeler carting a load of bricks down a big straight hill. No brakes! Ok, it's January. I'll mess up a few checks... happens every year. Work is manic this morning. Things are breaking all over the place. I'm listen to Kara's favorite Nanci Griffith disc that happened to be in my backpack and writing this piece (which, I guess, is obvious). As is customary I've decided to resolve nothing. And I shall do it. I forgot my new calendars. I have to pay bills (ample opportunity to mess up checks). An unfinished Scrabble game sits on the living room table; Kara got 20 points for "WE". I think I still lead by 20 points though (she won the last game). Perhaps I'll check the weather now. Happy New Year!
01/05/99 - Won the Scrabble game. Then I watched a cool movie about Queen Victoria. It seems back after Albert died she had this servant named John Brown who became more her friend and less her servant (although this wasn't exactly clear from the movie). The papers got hold of the gossip (which as Disraeli said is the life blood of governmental power) and next thing you know scandal captures the country and the president is being impeached and... wait, I'm confusing fantasy with reality. Ok, I'm back. Let's talk calories. I eat baked potatoes with Ranch dressing. Rance dressing has about 140 calories per ounce. Last night I made a yogurt dressing having 18 calories per ounce. Yee Ha. I'll be thin again in no time. Fat boy me had better start using muscles because that's what will really make me thin. I should start sit ups and push ups and running. But it was so much easier to do these things when I didn't have anything better to do in the evenings than drink beer and watch Highlander... now I can talk to Kara which beats the pants off running. But I digress. I'm thinking the Oxford English Dictionary would be a good Scrabble investment.
01/06/99 - In an act of great curiousity the birds flew sideways this morning. And the sun rose late. Everyone needs to sleep in occasionally but the sun shouldn't choose wednesdays. My Cheerios were cold but I like them like that. I decided not to set my watch back so I had no time to shave. Then the sun rose... late, like I said before. Maybe that's why the dish soap was frozen. I had to soak it in hot water. Luckily our tank is electric and not solar (I mentioned the sun was late, right?). It was while my hands did the dishes I saw the birds. Maybe it was just the wind... but I'd like to think they were sliding sideway; it's nice to see the impossible. It's nice to see big checks, too. Especially when they're written to you. Maybe one day I'll get a high paying job that's fun... like I mentioned before: It's nice to see the impossible. The sun, late in his duties, is raising the temperature around my favorite city... ok, I was kidding about the sun being late. That hardly ever happens anymore.
01/07/99 - What AM I thinking now? I'm thinking I've been in a boring dry spell for some time now. Ouch... stomach cramp. Better now. The caffeine in my empty belly... no, I had 2 bowls of Wheaties. I guess the caffeine and the Wheaties got together and schemed. "You know what, cereal?" said coffee. "No, what?" said Wheaties. "We could have some fun down here." "You mean a party?" "Naw, we'll just listen to some Aerosmith and smash stuff. No need to give that action a name." "Let's see if we can get him to swallow something mellow like Marvin Gaye." Now, where this piece went wrong was at the implication I swallowed a stereo system. Which led to my GI tract possessing a power supply capable of running the stereo... then there's the question: What musical medium could exist inside me? And how to record companies market to my insides? Perhaps there's a whole industry in there. Perhaps Wheaties plays the drums, coffee plays the guitar and... actually, I think everyone plays the horn. For my next trick I'll write a childrens book based on happenings inside me. If I remember from my childhood, God will be a character because I was told God lives in me. I believed it too. My grandmother had this picture of Jesus knocking at a door. She told me it was the door to my heart. Many confusing years passed before I was introduced to metaphor.
01/08/99 - Ok, Y2K is making noise. An email I got today says the Dark Ages were caused by the Y1K problem. Funny in a stupid way. Now I'm thinking about time. I'll be 29 when the millenium flips. My parents were only a few years older when the USA turned 200. I remember that day. I also remember the 1976 Olympic commemorative butter dishes (with the rings in the ear of corn's place... ok, so it must have been margarine). I remember some silly kid's magazine I got through an elementary school book sale with Gilda Radner on the cover. Oh, and Ranger Rick. I must have had 100 issues by the time I was 12. Hey, Ranger Rick still exists and has a web page. I was listening to the radio on my 5 minute commute this morning and I hear this woman playing Rush's Spirit of the Radio with a symphony... pretty cool. The radio station mentioned a web page. I think I'll look for... crap, I can't recall her name. I hate it when my mind goes blank... Not quite as much as when my bank goes blank, though.
01/11/99 - I walked to the car with a big bag of garbage... ok, I was heading to the trash can then to the car but I had my car keys in my hand... well, they were in my hand until they fell into the garbage bag. "Great... what is that wet brown stuff through which my keys just sunk?" Having never seen stuff ooze like that I expected the worst as I set the bag down and braced to enter. So hearing a voice from within the bag really unsettled me. "Would you like your keys back?" it said. I just stood stone still. "Seriously, I'd rather not have them in here. What am I supposed to do with your keys? It's not like I can drive or need to get through your front door. May I give your keys back?" "Uh." At this point my senses return and I realize I'm day dreaming because my keys are still in my hand and the garbage bag is closed too tightly for keys to slide through a hole. But it was a nice though. a friend in your garbage could double check everything you through away. "Are you sure you want these baseball cards in the trash? Mark Lemke may make a comeback." And if something lives in garbage what do they care if you feed them week old leftovers? Heck I bet mold is like chocolate to them. Well, have a great week.
01/12/99 - When I was little I really did think I was invincible. Not in the sense that I could get anything I wanted but I'd hear about stroke victims who forgot their name and I thought that silly. "There's no way I could forget my name." Well, I forget so much stuff I try to remember I know I could forget my name. It wasn't until I was in college I realized "Yes, there are people smarter than I am." I figured I just hadn't applied myself. It's really darned hard to face personal weakness. Luckily I have a cup of coffee and a picture of Kara so I can easily distract myself. But still, I wish I were Superman. I still haven't been convinced I can't go back and repeat certain sections of the past. Then, there are pieces I'd rather let go. I'm repeating myself. Let's say something brand new. To live in a tree house surrounded by a vast field bordered by a river would be amazing... until I wanted hot pizza unless there was a good oven or a phone and a close by pizza delivery place. Or if the weather was windy and cold and I didn't feel well I'd probably want my draft rental house back. Baseball season should start soon, don't you think?
01/13/99 - It seems I have to be down the hall in training all morning. I'm supposed to be there 10 minutes ago. Uh, I had something to say but I forgot when my deadline struck. Off I go with almost no entry to show for today. Oh, I had dream I was in a magazine. It was an aweful picture. My eyes were closed and I wore an ugly mustard shirt. I came up some stairs in a house I'd never seen and saw the picture on a table. "How did I get my picture in a magazine and why did I let them use such a crappy photo." And what was a doing someplace I've never been. It was a dream but... weird. I also had a weird dream about wearing dresses. I'm glad to report I awoke weirded out. If I'm going to do something stupid in a dream I'd rather feel weird about it than wake up going "You know, that sounds like agood idea." All for today. Off to learn. Perhaps I need a synonym for "weird".
01/14/99 - Wheaties. Some guys "discovered" Wheaties when he burned a pot of bran gruel. Ug. They say many great discoveries are accidental. I say "Who is 'They'?" I also beat on my desk with chopsticks like I was sitting at a drum kit so who cares what I say, right? I'll tell you who cares: Kara, my Mom and maybe another friend or family member out there somewhere. I bet more people eat Wheaties, though. This morning I had Cheerios because, well, I like them. I like Wheaties, too, though. See, it's perplexing. My Dad has the cereal problem licked... he just eats the same damned thing every morning. That could be why they call him "Boring Bob". DAMMIT! How did "they" get back in here? This must be how people become paranoid. Oh, in big news I registered in a class this term. I shall become a scholar yet... did I spell that correctly? Anyway, I'm in "Civil War and Reconstruction". I read 20 or so pages in the book last night. Now I can intelligently discuss the transportation revolution in the US and value to US manufacturing of the interchangable part... Ohh! Not to mention how the distribution of people over a vaster (bad word choice) land (less dense population than Europe, anyway) and a less artisan like workforce were factors in the US economic developement. I guess I'm learning already. Not bad for 20 pages... too bad I can't write about it more stylishly.
01/15/99 - Ok, I'm riding this train, right? Anyway, it get's to this bend and then it turns left followed by a quick right and the next thing I know... is it hot in here? Well, luckily I could loosen my neck tie because the next thing you know Old Jed's a million... wait! I mean the lights go down and the music goes up and we're dancing like it was 1925 and my fortune was growing steadily in the Stock Market. Anyway I, upon looking for something to discover notice the club car is packed with gorgeous people drinking coffee and smoking candy cigarettes. So I go. My friend Ray comes in and hands me this book. Like I want a spiral bound copy of Karl Marx's treatise on mockingbirds. I throw the book in the fire and get back to groovin'. So, sometime later I'm standing at the linkage between the caboose and the dinning car when Ray asks what I think about the Ferntailed Black Whipper and their plight for better conditions. I ask him to grab my note book on the third shelf just inside caboose. I never knew those link pins removed so easily. As the caboose slowed behind the train's steady velocity I waved to Ray, standing in the caboose's doorway watching me speed away. I wonder how he'll get home.
01/18/99 - In Virginia it's Lee-Jackson-King day. As it happened all three have birthdays within a week. As strange as this grouping may seem I feel each has contributed to my person. Let's start with the obvious: Lee. For one thing my name is Robert Lee. Aside from having to tell every teacher I've ever had to call me "Lee", I've studied honor from its brightest example. Lee took responsibility for his actions and always accepted the moment for what is was. He worked for what he believed. Now Jackson. Jackson's a tougher character for me as I know him mainly as a devout soldier. I admire his sacrifice; He gave himself to his country. King. Lee and Jackson have had 130 years to become mythology. Martin Luther King Jr hasn't had that time but I don't know if he needs it. It's hard for a white boy to talk about race without gathering strange looks. But by King and his fellow spirits I live in a world where opportunities exist for most. These opportunities may not yet be equal but they are at least based more on qualities of character and merit. I am too aware that people still generalize unfairly based on easier things to assertain than character and merit... like physical features. It's human nature to judge but it's within our scope, too, to act honorably, to work and and sacrifice and make the world in which we live as just a place as we can make it... for EVERYONE.
01/19/99 - It's Robert Edward Lee's 192 birthday. He's dead. All his soldiers are dead. Yet here I sit writing about him. Why? He's a weakly foundationed cause's best symbol. He's the gold in a muddy creek bed. Why do I want to highlight anything about a people who fought for slavery? I can't answer that question completely. Why do people stand by anything that's so badly flawed it's beyond any rational defense. Perhaps defense is not the motive. Perhaps there's a hope for social alchemy... maybe not converting the whole base metal to gold but highlighting the pieces that already are gold. I truly feel I can honor the memories of Lee, Jackson and King together. Does the union detract from any one piece? It's obvious to some people it does. But it doesn't to me. My wish would be for all days to remind people of the past's trials. These trials are mostly unfinished. If the struggle for honor and equality continues someday it will erradicate distrust and dislike and all the silliness these petty little imps cause. The absolute worst thing to do is continue with the status quo. Look what happened in 1861 and 1968; look what's happening in Kosovo. Look what's happening around you. Happy Bithday General Lee. Happy Birthday Reverend King (sorry I missed it by a few days). I'm still learning from the good both of you represented.
01/20/99 - The Frozen Yogurt Story... or how this guy's shoes almost got ruined. Do you know how frozen yogurt machines work? Basically you pull a handle and yogurt comes out a nozzle. Sometimes the nozzle is a few inches from the handle. Well, yesterday this guy goes up to the frozen yogurt machine here on campus... he puts his cone right under the handle (yes, I said "handle" not "nozzle") and pulls. I guess because his cone is blocking his view he doesn't see the yogurt pouring from the nozzle collecting on the drip tray. He sees nothing happening. "Hmmm," he thinks "this flavor must be out." He moves to the next handle and repeats... a second pile collects on the drip tray... on to the third handle. By this time, my friend Mitch and I enter the picture. "Hey, Buddy," says Mitch "put your cone under the nozzle." The pile continues to build. "Really," says Mitch "it works better if you put your cone down there where the yogurt exits the machine." Seeing the folly of his ways the man corrects his cone position, collects some yogurt and beats a hasty (and I'm guessing embarassed, too) retreat. I've gotten many moments of snickering joy reliving the time at which I didn't feel like the planet's biggest goof ball.
01/21/99 - Today started kinda weird like. Technically it started slightly before 12:00:01 but telling the first 6 hours and 30 minutes would be boring. Actually, maybe I can do it quickly: I slept. But maybe I'm not the only character; take 2: Some people slept... some didn't. Not very exciting. Ok, back to the more exciting story. This story is not like yesterday's yogurt story because, well, I wasn't in the UR dinning hall... and that's just for starters. Perhaps I should set the scene. I'm in bed. Kara has let Emelie out and is elsewhere in the house not sleeping. Emelie spends some time out back doing atypical Emelie things. Kara let's Emelie back into the house (mind you I'm asleep). Emelie bounds through the hallway straight into the bedroom and up onto the bed. She nuzzles ("nuzzle" you will see is similar to "nozzle" which is a prominent feature in yesterday's yogurt story) anyway, Emelie nuzzles right up near my face at which time I leap straight to the ceiling because she reeks of poop. Yup, my pup rolled in poop. I tell you this: No soap, no matter how much they smell like Ireland or beaches, wakes you up in the morning like the smell of poop against your pillow. Yes, Mom, we took the sheets right off the bed.
01/22/99 - My friend Joshua shaved his head. This may not seem that unusual these days but he had 3 foot dredlocks. Now Paul, whose hair isn't much longer than mine, has the longest locks in Mobias Trip. And in other strange news I hear the Rockie soundtrack coming from down the hall. As I'm tired from my band event last night I'll not question. In poopy pooch news Emelie rolled in more yesterday afternoon. This time she stuck it too herself. Blek! Kara quickly cleaned her. Oooo. Say that sentence again: "Kara quickly cleaned her." I like that... actually, I like that Kara cleaned her and not me... but I do feel sorry for Kara having arrived home from a day long meeting to find a poopy dog and a landlady sharing the backyard... then having to wash the poop encrusted dog... almost sounds like a steakhouse menu item: Pepper encrusted sirloin... poop encrusted dog. Thankfully there ain't a spot on this sweet world where you can find that specific grossity on the menu... right? Ok, I'm wrapping this sad excuse for a journal... just for the day... not that I have much choice as it's almost class time.
01/25/99 - I saw "Shakespeare In Love" this weekend. Pretty cool movie... who am I kidding? It was awesome! I learned more about "Romeo and Juliet" from this movie than I did from high school and college combined. I knew the story, I just didn't get all the lines and the characyer's unwritten motivations. I learned something about myself: I learn better when I'm ready to learn. I told my college cross country coach this now I'm telling you: years 14-24 should be set aside for growing up, partying, working at McDonalds (or the mall) and eductaion should begin again at 24 when people are ready to learn. I bet you could reduce high school and college to 4 years MAX! Heck, I barely remember the facts I learned in college. Ok, that's not completely true but I bet I'd know more if I hadn't spent so much time messing around with MTv. Well, it's pointless to just rant here. I'll write Congress... they can get my ideas made into law, right? I wish I remembered more about Civics... not the cars.
01/26/99 - You know what?! I just found a spelling error in yesterday's entry... crazy, easy-going guy I am I left it! Yup, I left an error. Weeee Weee Ha ha ha ha ha ha Weeee! An error! So what. Ok, Help Wanted is playing without Cecy this weekend... Not only that, but Kara's Mom will be there! I have to sing before my future mother-in-law. Normally I'd be afraid and I'm happy to report the situation is normal. Actually, I kinda look forward to the whole thing. Nerves are normal. As Ann may be reading this ("Hi"), it's really not her making me nervous. It's singing without practice... Ok, I'm a silly liar. If we had weeks of practice I'd be a wreck. It's simply the singing part. It's recalling the words. It's rapping "Bring the Noise"... ok, I haven't tried that yet so I'd better not bust that move in front of live audience without running it by my bandmates. Do you guys read this? Ken, you're reading, right? What do you think about "Bring the Noise" during the "Morning" jam? I've a few nights to sleep on it.
01/27/99 - Things change pretty quickly I thought as I stood freezing in backyard eating Wheaties from a metal bowl wearing flip-flips, pajamas and a hairdo to make Cindy Lauper proud. How do they change? In little ways; Emelie rolls in poop so I have to watch her while eating breakfast instead of just letting her out back and letting her back inside when she's done. And words change; how long had I known "bipartisan" and "weapons of mass destruction" before I wished they'd not been conjured? I change quickly; "Crap! It's 7:00 and I need to be at work in 30 minutes!" Shower, shave, choose clothes, dress and drive in 30 minutes is pretty quick, right? Ok, it's wednesday... yesterday was tuesday. The day before tuesday was monday; these things keep rolling along and I keep ripping pages off my Page-a-Day calendars... that's change! I remember from college this story about a guy named Phineous Gage. Mr. Gage was working on the railroad when a blasting cap sent an iron rod clear through his skull. Gage lived but was a changed man... I don't know if he went from angry to nice but the change was quick and severe. What's my point? Some things end this way.
01/28/99 - Only 27 more pages to read before I'm where I should be for my history test tomorrow. History is taught in a manner I don't understand. I was given the test questions weeks ago and I still don't know the answers... I don't think anyone does and the weird thing is: It doesn't matter! On what will I be graded? To this I know the answer: my ability to fake it. Crimony! They actually expect me to B.S.; this is cool. Although, having known the questions for weeks they expect me to B.S. without a bunch of crap. They expect clean B.S.... uh, oh. I can't hold an idea for 10 sentences. I have the writer's version of A.D.D.. Where was I? Suddenly I have a headache... blek. What's for lunch today? J.E.B. Stuart had a huge head... do you know he was 31 when killed? And a General, too. Well, I visited his grave a few years back. Do you know what I've learned from my class... actually, it's bad and I don't feel like talking about it in greatr detail but we're not exactly a country with a nice history. It's too bad we haven't grown up into a nicer, mature country... not that I'd rather be anywhere else. I guess what I'm saying is history has taught me a touch more humility.
01/29/99 - Today marks my 1st history test since college. I did ok in college and I didn't read and I didn't study. Not only did I do all the reading, but I outlined essays last night... I still feel unprepared. I can already feel the panic attack that will certain seize me as I open my blue book and attempt recall... crud. Who cares? I'm not taking this class for a grade. I'm taking this class to learn and, by-golly, I have! Ok, feeling better I take a Chapstick break. What's worse than dry, breaking lips in the winter? The correct answer is: Chapstick crud on a coffee cup... but that comes later so I'll prep the lips and deal. My unruly beard is more ruly as I trimmed it this morning. Kara gave my head a clean-up trim, too... just the rough edges. My sideburns look longer now 'cause she cleaned them thus made them less wide which scews the proportions... perhaps I should get to work so I can do some real stuff before the test.