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02/01/99 - I don't care about the Superbowl... it's not all that super. It's not a regular bowl by day and a Superbowl when necessary. In fact, it's not even a bowl. You can't eat cereal from it like I ate cereal from a ceramic bowl this morning. You can't pour hot soup into it. It's not faster than a speeding bullet. Perhaps the same people that convinced 95% of the US that Budweiser is good beer convinced the same folks that this bowl (which isn't even a bowl) is super. I'm not falling for it. I watched 35% of the game and know it was quite ordinary. The OrdinaryFootballGame is what they should call it. CrappyBeerServedColdToNumbTasteBuds is what that other thing should be called. The Superbowl should be like a world hunger superhero who flies around the planet dumping nutritious stuff on people in need. Superbowl's superpowers could be: Flying, the ability to keep nutritious stuff warm, bullet proofness, an unending supply of nutritious stuff, freedom from government influence, after dinner mints when needed. See, that's a Superbowl... now to fix Budweiser.
02/02/99 - Ok, My history test. After I took it I thought I'd Aced it. I thought I'd written the most brilliant essay ever. I got the test back yesterday and I'd received a B-. What?! That can't be right. I read the comments. Well, they're kinda right but still this is easily a B+ essay. It may lack certain details but the questions essence was answer with grace, logic and more than enough detail to glue the thing together. I gather pen and paper and set to defend my work against all critics. After an hour or so I realized what I actually said and what I thought I said were pretty different. I deserve a B- minus. Sure, I knew what I meant but I did an only slightly better than average job putting those thoughts on paper. Jimmony! I thought I was brilliant (and sometimes I am) but if I keep building illusions and refusing to see through them I'm toast. Speaking of toast... sometimes you eat jelly on toast. My sister made some awesome cookies with a jelly filling for Kara's shower. Kara's Mom came for the shower but now she's back home... bummer.
02/03/99 - I completely forgot what time of year it was. My clothes are what finally set me right. "I'd never wear flannel in summer so it must be cold..." At first I landed in November and had to quickly get myself back to February. Have I ever discussed with you my classic sock blunder? This happens more often than I'd like to admit (like at least once a week). When I get dressed I don't always have bunches of light so I reach for socks that look black but end up being blue (or vice versa) or I go for brown and they end up being green (which is what happened today). So here I sit scratching my head trying to decide what time of year it is wearing a brownish shirt... hory clap! There's no brown in this shirt; it's a new shirt my parents gave me for Christmas but was too small so they got a bigger size and I just pulled it out of the bag this morning and I swear it was brownish. The colors are muted so maybe I'm justified in thinking it brown but I'm WAY off the point now. The point is green socks aren't quite right with this shirt. Now maroon would look good... actually, a glass of Merlot would go really well.
02/04/99 - Thursday morning and I get up then go back to bed. I listened to NPR as I dozed. I awoke to a story debating email's use as an effective communication tool... so I came to the office and spent 45 minutes reading and answering emails. My opinion is: waste of time. Ok, that's not true. Communication occurs... is it necessary communication? Yeah. Could I communicate more effectively? Actually, no. I can send 10 emails in an hour and if I were to speak to 10 people on the phone I might cover the crucial topics more quickly than I could via email but I'd waste time on small talk so the phone call would take more time than the email. I'm justified... sort of. We won't mention this time I'm spending thinking about email... Egads! Jane just asked who's cooking Cheryl! To my knowledge, and I state this for the record, no one in the UR IS department is cooking anyone else. Cheryl, as she points out herself, is neither corn fed nor free range... I would guess she not USDA graded either. I cannot and will not condone the cooking of anyone in the UR IS department and I will state this in writing... send me your email address.
02/05/99 - My mind is squeezed dry of good ideas. I'm working at 300% my normal rate of stuff done per day. A project that was originally planned for June 30 completion has been reevaluated and moved to Feb 12 completion. Much must be done in the next week. Luckily in the last week and a half my 300% work rate has gotten bunches done. On the outside (where life is) I have a class project due next wednesday. I've been reading battle reports submitted by Union officers after their defense of Pittsburg Landing in TN (known as the battle of Shiloh). In addition to working and learning I'm performing those tasks necessary for my survival. Ok, time to rhyme. I climb through slime to chime the bell. Shells under my feet and bleeting sheep sleep well but smell bad. So sad to hear you were had. Better bitter butter burns brightly. Nightly I rest so when tested I pass. Alas I'm out of room. Doomed to work 'til day's end then send myself home to mend.
02/08/99 - Ok, I'm researching the Battle of Shiloh fought early in the Civil War (Apr 6/7, 1862). I have to give 15 minute presentation wednesday morning... eek. I'm the king of "uhhhhh". We'll try hard to avoid that problem. I'm also the king of ping pong speaking... idea A leads to idea B Oh! But did I mention idea C which, while not exactly having to do with A or B, happened between them? That's my worry. And I have so much information. My liitle Zen calendar speaks directly to me on this point. Today's entry: "The Art of being wise is knowing what to overlook. For instance, did you know several Union offices actually saved their troops from Confederate artillery fire by having them duck? I didn't. These officers felt it important enough to note in their reports; I don't think it had that much impact so I'll not mention it. But I do think 4,000 to 10,000 stragglers who left the battle to cower by the boat landing could have had an impact on the battle. I'll mention this. At one point it's said that Confederate artillery actual fell on the landing. Wouldn't it suck to run away from a batlle only to get bombed in your hiding place. That won't be in my report either. Having spent over 10 hours reading through these records I've learned 2 things: 1) This must be how all those easy to read history books got all their information and 2) well, I forgot this point... it was a good one, though.
02/09/99 - My report on Shiloh is basically done. I have to round up a quote or two and verify a few dates and make 40 copies... speaking of 40, Virginia (a teammate here at work, not the state) turns 40 today. If you know her send an email. Well, my report has consumed so much time over this past week I have forgottem many a thing. I need to respond to the HUGE email backlog... Crap! I have work to do. I'm supposed to have 60 some programs converted such that they run well when the century flips in about 325 days. Unfortunately we're testing these programs in about 7 days so I have less time than it would appear. Ok, so I'm busy. So what? It's not like I won't get through this. Yeah, the band may suffer and Kara may not see me but for 15 minutes a day but... hey, when do you suppose the army switched from blue uniforms to green uniforms? I bet it had to do with stealth. Green just blends better. Before guns were accurate it didn't matter if your enemy could see you because he really couldn't aim. But then you had to hide because, darn it, that guy can hit a dime at a mile. Interesting question. Speaking of logic, why do you suppose the question mark goes after the sentence? Don't you think we figured out it's a question by that point? I think we should switch to Spanish-like punctuation. ?Don't you?
02/10/99 - I realized yesterday I could never be a Buddhist monk. Not because I'm against Buddhism... in fact, one of the best doctrines I've heard is the Buddhist doctrine on Non-violence; it goes something like this: I know what it means be be afraid for my life therefore I decide never to put myself in the place to such that someone else fears for their life because of me. I really didn't do a good job with that. Anyway, I shave my head every now and then and I look ok in orange and yellow (at least as good as anyone can) but the thing is I can't consistantly match my socks and my shirt. Yesterday, for instance, I wore a puke green shirt and bright greenish socks. Ok, picture this: Tubby white guy dressed in violently clashing shirt and socks sitting in the lotus position with this clashing clothing in close proximity... now tell me you could meditate under these conditions. It's like Heck, I don't know what it's like... not everything has to be a simile, does it? Crap! I mean ?does it?
02/11/99 - I was going to write about yesterday's frustrations... the story is actually quite funny. It involves me waiting extreme time periods to do silly little things like turn in a passport application, pick up dry cleaning and get measured for a tux (all told I probably wasted 90 minutes just standing there). Ok, that nightmare is in the past and will stay there. Let's get back to the fun stuff. I fly to Des Moines, Iowa tonight (then head to Laurel which I hear is 50 miles east). Checking the weather I see it should be cold... like in the 40s or lower. That's ok. In fact, it should be like that here. Some gear slipped in the weather contraption and we're getting a winter's worth of spring temperatures. Actually, Richmond weather is only about 5 or 10 degrees warmer than Laurel weather... strange. Ok, so I don't guess I'll shiver too much. Well, this will be yet another state to paint on my RV. What do you guys think of RV maps of the US with visited states pianted in a solid primary color? As cheesy as they are (usually evidenced by a NASCAR sticker of Calvin peeing on somebody's number in close proximity) I like seeing where people have been. Maybe I'll make something like that for my backpack. Oh, Welcome to the world Ms Creamer.
02/15/99 - I'm back from the great not-as-flat-as-I-thought land called Iowa. Jane, spent the first 13 or so of her years in China, says I O Wa (phonetically) is Chinese for surprised disbelief.. instead of saying: "Crap! I dropped the birthday cake and the dog ate it." You'd say "Iowa! I dropped the..." see? Well, I was surprised by the land's undulation. You know, I should mention the Battersons. It was from their wedding that Kara and I headed west. They were married on Valentines day in a hunting lodge where the stuffed animal heads were decorated with shiny heart streamers and party favors... uniquely festive... equaly parts whimsy and cheese but quite effective at conveying the mood. Since the party blowers wouldn't fit in animal mouths many animals blew them with their noses. Can you picture a stuffed water buffalo head with a party blower stuffed up its nose and 10 feet of shiny hearts on wire wrapped around its horns and ears? I guess I couldn't either until I saw it... well, I even helped. Ok, bottom line: this is a pretty darn cool continent. I like to see it... good thing I have friends all over it.
02/16/99 - Today is heavily birthdayed. Emelie turns 7; Cheryl, at the desk across the room, turns... well, I dodn't know and am not going to ask; Cheryl says her cousin, who was born exactly one year before she was, also has a birthday today. That's 3 birthdays on one day. Judging by this sampling we can say 1 in 3 people with birthdays today are dogs. Look around, do you know people with a birthday today? There's a pretty good chance they're a dog. Dogs are getting tricky these days... Emelie wouldn't eat her pill this morning. I looked for potato in which to hide it but found none. I tried hiding it between piece of carrot. After minutes of trying I just tossed it up in the air hoping she would think it a treat (sometime I toss them to her). She grabbed it... stunned, I reacted quickly. "Good Girl, Emelie." I tossed her another carrot, which she ate then, two minutes later, she came back to where I was standing and spit her pill on the floor. "What the...!" I gave up. See, they're smart enough to fool me so look out for dogs fooling you by walking around diguised as people with Birthdays.
02/17/99 - Wednesday is here. What's so special about the week's middle day? Nothing. I'm surprised I'm writing about it. In grade school I got to go to the library on wednesday. The library was this super resource or so my teachers told me. I used the encyclopedias and ignored the other books... I'd bet 90% of all actual useful information is in encyclopedias... the other 10% is spread so thinly over billions of books it might as well be ignored. True, books do contain neat information but is this information of use to nayone but the scholarly minded? Can you fix a car with... actually, unless you're a true genius you probably can't fix a car, even with a kick but Brittanica. You know what? I can't even picture the library in my 4th and 5th grade building? No matter; it's not like I need it now. In fact, I think that building was condemmed and turned into administrative space. "Administrative Space" is a euphemism for "space too crappy to show the public... let's shove the office workers there." Well, that's my rant against things I actually like... I knew wednesday was weird.
02/19/99 - As you were able to (but perhaps still didn't) guess, I was out ill yesterday. Actually, I've been ill for the better part of this week. Last night, while in an ill sleep I dreamt I storm ripped the top of my house off... I woke up in a panic. My dream had a loud noise so I figure some real life loud noise must have caused that part of the dream. It could have been Kara coughing... she's as sick now as I was... bummer. Well, I had about all I could take of daytime TV. Reading Rainbow blows the doors off any soap opera. PBS broadcasts some pretty serious learning stuff during the early afternoon. I watched a show on graphing... Ooo. Again, better than soap operas. Well, today I'm congested and weak but I'm at work. Kara is congested and weak and still at home... poor Kara. I hope she gets better soon. Help Wanted plays tonight. I look forward to that. Plus the coffee is almost done. Yeaaaa!!! Back to work.
02/22/99 - Good grief I feel so stupid sometimes. It's not that I do stupid things that often either. Mostly it's a relative comparison. I get a note from a friend and I read maturity, wisdom and conviction and see in myself the space these qualities should occupy. Today (after I started typing this paragraph) I was pushed, by my Little Zen Calendar, out of cold self-doubt into sun-shiny hope.
"to be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; And never stop fighting." e e cummings
Well, for my part I will fight to keep pure the parts of myself I value and build those parts I desire. I was kinda hoping one day to stop fighting but I'm slowly realizing you can't. Isn't it funny to find people have known things you've worked hard to discover and have even been telling you if you'd only listened... it's a great, big "I told you so" but then many things you can't learn by being told.
02/23/99 - The wedding count down is underway... 32 days... and today is the 23rd. Pretty cool. When our friends Marno and Darrel got married on the 14th we had 41 days. Weird. I noticed something else weird about numbers. Look at how we denote years. This year is 1999. That means there have been 1,999 years sine we started counting this way. Why do we leave out the comma. Do we think commas don't have feelings? They don't! So there! And we say nineteen ninety nine when we're counting years but one thousand nine hundred ninety nine when we're counting bottle of beer on the wall. Last night I tried Anhiser Busch's new flavored beer Tequiza (pronounced ta KEY za, I think). Not bad. Scott the baseball guy said it would be great on a hot day and I agree. Scott also said he could taste tequila (pronounced ta KEY la); I couldn't... not even in the after belches. This is not a true beer drinkers beer, though. This is beer flavored Zima. I recommend, for a refreshing, real beer, a good Heifeweisen with a slice of lemon. Although you can count on me trying Tequiza again when the weather turns warm.
02/24/99 - 31 Days. Virginia passes the nations first anti-spam law (and I don't mean the woman in the next-door office). Spam is this meat substitute that may actually be made out of meat shaped salt. Spam is also an email (usually promoting something) sent to bunches of people. How do I feel about this law? Well, I'd rather not. Why do I care about spam? I guess if I were sent 3 billion emails I'd feel differently. My hunch is there is a better way to deal with the problem then passing this law. How about passing a nation wide honor code? Everyone should take a pledge to act honorably then if they screw up they get booted up to Cananda. I went to school where we had an honor code. I actually liked it. Some people feared it... there was one penalty: expulsion. You'd wake up, go to get some coffee and on the Co-Op door was a white sheet of paper stating "A student was dismissed for violating the honor code." The coutry might be a better place if we could institute a nationwide policy like this (without corruption). I heard on NBC news that Washington and Lee has the lowest cheating rate in the country. That makes me proud.
02/25/99 - I'm wearing my travel proof green corduroy shirt... This shirt can be rolled tightly, stuffed in a pack carried who-knows-where, be unpacked, unrolled and worn with out any sign of worms. Unsightly worms are a problem I fight with almost all my other shirts on a daily basis. Those silly worms slide up the sleeves then out my collar and into my ear where they talk smack about everyone around and tell dirty jokes. You should hear some of these jokes... actually you should hear what they said about you last time you were her... but maybe I shouldn't tell. My corduroy shirt stymies the worms, though. I guess they don't like the wale... Too many ups and downs or maybe they get stuck between the wales... getting stuck between whales doesn't sound fun to me. They might not even mean to hurt you but you're so small and they're so big and accidents just happen. Anyway, wear corduroy... whether you're going to be near the ocean or not.
02/26/99 - This is a story of man against weather... or man against his environment (as I learned to call it in grade school). We're not talking avalanches or hurricanes. We're talking a frustrating commute. It snowed in Richmond yesterday... barely. Then the snow turned to rain and the rain turned to ice and my car was covered in a fine sheet so I scraped it with my scraper and sent Kara to work in it. Then it was my turn to go to work. I went out to Kara's car and found the lock frozen... I couldn't even get my key in it. I almost tugged the handle but I knew that would be stupid as I'd set the alarm off which would ring until I got the lock unfrozen or the battery died. I trudged through the mud pushing icy magnolia branches out of my way until I caught sight of the car's passenger door. Exhausted, I tried my key and, protected by deep mud and dense forest, the lock was less icy... the key, with some jamming and twisting, worked. I retraced my path back to the driver's side where the now unlocked door provided access to the car. Once I started the car I started looking for a scraper. I found one WITH NO BLADE!!! I tore the insides apart looking for a less useless scraper to no avail. So I held my breath and headed for the trunk. This mess of clothes and books and HIV, Hep C, Methadone and other medical type pamphlets (I guess I should mention these are for Kara's job) was too much for me. I gave up and used an Emmylou Harris tape case to clean the ice tarp off the windows. Hopefully the case will dry and return to its past function sans scar. I'm at work. That's the story.