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04/01/98 - Allergies. I went to the doctor yesterday for drugs. I said "Doc, you gotta score me some good stuff this year. I need it. I need it BAD. Do ya know what I'm saying, doc?" The doctor he say "Listen, boy, I need to get your height and weight and temperature and blood pressure then we'll talk." I say "Huh? What's that crap to do with my needs, doc?" He say "Got me. But the blanks are on this here form so I's gots to fill them in." I say "Let me see that there form." I grab it from his hand and gaze upon it. Sure as shootin' he ain't feeding me no bull. But then I gets real scared as I look down and see check boxes sittin' next to things like "Excision Skin Tags, up to 15" and "Foreign Body Cornea" and "Flexible Sigmoidoscopy" so I say "Yo, doc, there ain't no way we're fillin' in the rest of this here form; I just wants the drugs , ok?" He says "We cool." The doctor jets and arrives back in a sec carrying foil drug packs and a nose squirter. "What the hey is that doowhopper, doc?" "This here doowhopper is called 'Flonase'; you cram the thingy up your nose and let loose a power concoction of allergy squashing gunk. Also take some o deez Claritin doowhoppers and maybe we whip yo allergies dis here year." "Yee Ha!" I says to him as I hop in my rust bucket Ford Pickup and drive to Texaco for coffee.
04/02/98 - The web server seems to want me away this morning. It doesn't realize I'm a powerful man with friends in powerful places... Take my friend Sam; Sam was in the Army and has called for air strikes. I'm doubtful planes and bombs will help me today, though. I'm considering revoking the web server's dessert privileges. How will he feel bedding sans the daily girl scout cookie dose? But then I remembered he doesn't eat plus he's lactose intolerant and couldn't enjoy cookies fully without milk anyway so that route is probably not the one to take either. I could configure him as a Doom server on the web and place only the Barney dinosaur libraries on his disks so he'll be stuck talking to violently inclined computer people and listening to "I Love You; You Love Me..." all day long. But that solution, too, hurts me because where would I place my journal entries? I could feed him wine coolers until he pukes and wakes up tomorrow morning with a headache from hell and breath to boot (or maybe breath like a boot... either way it sucks)... I'd use Pina Colada coolers because I know he hates coconut. That's sounds like the way to go, don't you think?
04/03/98 - I had breakfast with a DC working friend of mine. He told me about the building across the street from his office. On this building's roof is a patio from which you can see the White House and its ground while you leisurely consume your lunch. I said "Steve, do you have to pass through security to get up there?" "Nope." "So any looney with an assault rifle could climb up there and greet the First Family with a perfect gun control argument?" "Wow, I guess so." So I thought further and a twisted point was reached. Paula Jones's suit wasn't dropped; it was asssinated while trying to reach the president. Someone, maybe someone Steve can identify, climbed up to Steve's favorite lunch spot and popped the unsuspecting suit. Obviously the president is responsible... or someone close... maybe the Committee to Re... no, he's in his second term. I bet it was a right wing conspiracy. The thinkers know no one won't secretly suspect Bill; Bill's the perfect patsy. I'm behind you, Bill. They haven't fooled me. I'll get Steve to gather evidence.
04/06/98 - My parents have this clock. It's hung in their family room for as long as I can remember (which is not just a figure of speech in this case... we're talking probably even on the same nail since I was 3). The clock possesses a brass pendulum swinging on a 15 inch arm behind a glass door on which the word "Regulator" is written. Extra strange to me is the fact that I can't be certain I spelled "Regulator" correctly. I have vivid memories in which I play with Star Wars figures or Legos (or both) and check the time. Vivid is a relative term as I cannot tell you what the time was but I know well the unique point of view from the floor by the fire place glancing up at the clock framed between the 2 front windows. The whole character of that room is defined by the clock and those windows. The walls have changed color. Furnishings and nick-nacks have come and gone but that clock still ticks where, in my mind, it always has. I know this isn't true but I've no history to fill the void before I knew the clock. As a kid I had weirder ideas then I have now. I thought the clock's 5 looked like Ronald Reagan. Remember, I was 10 when he took office.
04/08/98 - First a secret message to my uncle Jim: It went VERY well. Now for Andy's Birthday entry. Today, if you haven't guessed, is my housemate's birthday. For the next 2 months he's a year older than I am. Does anyone want to send him birthday greetings? Here's his email address... bombard him with well wishes. a.berry@erols.com Actually, send him free virtual flowers: Virtual Florist . See, I being a guy, can't send flowers to another guy, but I can do something stupid like asking everyone I know to send stuff. Pranks like this are the staple way guys say "You can grill with me anytime". Grill stuff! That's what I'll get... no, I got him grill stuff last year. And beer the year before that. Chicks are illegal, besides both Andy and I are stand up guys; we'd never do amything like that. More thought... that's all I need. We're going golfing in Hilton Head this weekend, perhaps a golf something.
04/09/98 - I think I just saw someone in a togo walk by my window. It was a flash as my window is a foot wide and a normal walker clears a foot in a second fragment so I doubt I saw what I think I saw, still, I'll acknowledge my mind's weird associations. Weirdness like this is fun. It keeps the day interesting. It leads to UFO and Bigfoot sitings thus creating the entire supermarket tabloid industry which may provide jobs for a non trivial slice of the population thus it's potentially economically sound. How was that for a run on sentence with serious logic flaws? Frankly I don't care how weird it is because I'm not thinking straight anyway. Did I mention... how do I say this? I'm afraid to be too straight forward but then I don't want to be too cryptic... ok, I'll opt for cryptic (that decision took a while)... crud, now I have to decide how to be cryptic. Perhaps I should shut up and try to concentrate on work.
04/10/98 - Oh so much to say! I leave this evening for a few days golfing in, hopefully, sunny South Carolina. No journal stuff until next wednesday. Perspective, that's what I'll get from the trip. Perspective into what? Thises and Thats going on with me. My golf swing, which can use BUNCHES of improvement, will not be the thing on my mind. Luckily I'll have close friends nearby to help with the soul searching perspective thing. Friends, who in the past, have been as helpful as they've been painfully... friendlike. I'm not really in a writing mood now so this entry will end shortly. I am, however, in a hopefully, happy, anxious mood. On with things.
04/15/98 - Tax Day! I started mine at 8:45 last night and finished them around 10:15... I talked on the phone in there too. They weren't difficult. Add these numbers subtract these multiple 1 by 2650 subtract that from this and BAM! the IRS has $40 that it shouldn't. That's 3 CDs. I'm thinking I'll get Whiskey Town, Green Day and another live Greateful Dead album. I drove back from Hilton Head, SC yesterday. It rained almost the whole way. In these unsafe driving conditions I try to minimize my time on the road by going 90mph. Radar can't work in rain coming down that substantially, right? Ok, I'm just kidding... as far as you know. I've found nothing frustrates me more than traffic. I mean it. I can feel my guts wrench as I battle the unending forces on the road. Specifically people who sit in the left lane. Didn't they see me fly up behind them? Why won't they go right? Boy! And when the roads clear I wonder why no one is going faster... is there a cop up there? Well, I'm back home and don't have to drive for a few days so I guess I'll relax... and work.
04/16/98 - Greetings from my desk. And what a messy desk it is. I see paper... too much paper. And useless paper, too. Paper on which things are drawn and notes are taken... it's a big information spill. The thing with spills is you can't unspill as easily as you spill. This is Physics... thermodynamics, sorta. Pre-spill is an ordered state; spill is disordered. Unspill requires vast organizing energy. Hang on for a second while I go get some water. See, that wasn't that bad, was it? Now I'm happy and less thirsty and you lost no time waiting for my return. In fact, I bet you didn't even notice the break I took to apply chapstick (the break occurred between the last sentence and this one). Now I just paused to look at a picture and wish I were elsewhere (not that I dislike my job but there are places even nicer than my office and people in places other than this one who I'd like to see). And baseball games; I took another break and learned the Richmond Braves are in Toledo (a city in Ohio named after a Spanish city where great swords are made) tonight. Did you know the Pretenders' lead singer is from Ohio? Trivia for you. My friend Bo is in Ohio... actually, he's in Hilton Head watching golf; his wife is in Ohio. I'm at my desk in Richmond, VA.
04/17/98 - Amazing news from my friend Greg; Greg's getting married! Yippee! I met Greg, Geez! It must be like 8 years ago. He is 4 years old than I am which, when I was 19, made him older and wiser but, at 27, makes him well within the age group that will go get a beer after work. Greg introduced me to New York city. I've not been back since the trips we made during the summer of... ok, so age hasn't improved my memory for squat. Then there was the trip to help him move from Lexington, VA to Troy, NY (he was going to grad school... perhaps the only legitimate reason to move to Troy, NY). That trip had me encountering some strange people...like the person (gender undetermined) who sat in their apartment calling a pay phone as people walked by it... I was stupid enough to answer. But enough about me. Greg had graduated with a degree in some manner of commerce but returned to school to study engineering. While I wasted most of my time whining about something Greg studied. He actually did his work; That impressed me. So, in closing, Greg's future wife (he tells me you read this and, yes, I'm addressing you directly), you got a good one. Here's my advice to you: Remember, the K is silent. Ok, that was stupid, sorry.
04/20/98 - Kara showed me Eastern Market in DC yesterday. We met and spoke at length to an artist named Jake. Jake was brilliant... at least we thought so. He told us about travelling the world. I wish I was as free as he. But what impressed me the most was his freeness of thought. We should see the rain forests of Brazil, he said, before they're gone. I told him their loss depressed me. No, he said; men feed their families by logging. Their work, all works of men, he said, are natural. Yesterday it made so much sense. Today it does too but I need to give it more thought. Can the world and people living naturally by Jake's definition survive together? Perhaps we are pieces of the same entity. I feel small but amazingly good about this new picture I see. When we remove from the planet the things necessary to support human life humans will die but that's not the end of the bigger entity; That's evolution. I'm comforted to know I'm a small part of a bigger life. I want to see Jake's world but I want to see it on my terms with my eyes and my emotions. That's what Jake has given to me... not his vision but a knock in the head to open my eyes. Seek Jake and his artwork in DC at 17th and C... don't recall which quadrant. Talk to him.
04/21/98 - People are strange. Conflict conflicts with exuberence creating see-saw like oscillations... who knows what will happen. Coffee, that certainly better happen soon. Beer wouldn't be too bad either but that's not an approriate beverage for the work place. Luckily music is appropriate for the work place. Big Head Todd... he and the Monsters are greeting my ears with cool sound waves as I type... about nothing. Nothing. The word itself is something which makes it not nothing which makes it contradictory which confuses me which is nothing new. See where these things go? Will you tell me? I think I hear Sam and Kelley talking in the hall. I know I smell hyacinth which reminds me I haven't taken my allergy medicine this morning. I forget something important every day; depressing, ain't it? But I have yet to forget I like coffee. Nor have I forgotten I am without it today thus far. But that's not all I'm without today. I'll survive. The windows cast a blue glow on the keyboard but only on the key's left side. And I file this entry and get back to work and thought. 3 "and"s in one sentence... pretty cool. 04/22/98 - Earth Day. After my conversation with Jake I'm not certain I know what this means. Are we trying to fight evolution... or whatever name you want assigned to the force that changes life? Perhaps, but that, too, is natural, right? So, what the heck, stop being bad when you don't have to be bad. I'm not going to waste any food today, that's my goal. Last night I couldn't eat my whole dinner... pieces were trashed. Tonight, if that happens, I'm shipping my left overs to... no, they'd go bad. I'll grind them up and put them on a starving plant...perhaps the artificial unk of which dinner is made will greatly improve the soil thus helping the plant produce more oxygen thus making the world a better place to live. Or maybe I'll go ripping cigarettes from smokers hands. "You people are polluting my recently oxygen enriched air with foulness plus I know very few people who actually work for tobacco companies so I'm not risking the jobs of my acquaintances and yada yada yada boom boom boom." I figure why should I even pretend I make sense. I can't even be certain I spelled "acquaintances" correctly but since that line is spoken spelling is moot. Perhaps all is moot... few are mute about anything, have you noticed that too? Ok, here's my final Earth Day thought: Stop People from making a living polluting the planet... ok, that's not my final thought, just be careful choosing your tuna today, ok? You can't tuna fish, right? Perhaps if we tell this to the dolphins they'll avoid the nets. They're horrible tuna players anyway.
04/23/98 - Ok, I keep hitting shift when I'm typing numbers so instead og getting "395" I get "#(%"... it's pretty annoying. I need some loud music. Loud music fixes bunches of stuff... Ani Difranco is pretty loud in my office but she's not loud music. Alice in Chains is loud music. Why am I discuss this crap. I'm tired. Working on about 4 hours of sleep is not fun today. I'm distracted. Distracted reminds me of Difranco. Franco reminds me of spaghetti and cheese... really good parmesean. Did I spell that correctly? Guess what... even if I didn't I won't change it. Ok, here we go: My fingers don't work well. I'm going to quickly type a sentence leaving all mistakes for you to see; ready? The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy bum dog that is just sitting there lisebning to some stupid music like new lynryd skynryd or something silly like that "Hey DJ, can you play some Lynryd Skynyrd??" somng. Ok, that is mistake ridden and kind of stupid because it came out unfiltered in about 10 seconds real time. My favorite me typo is hitting the "=" when I'm aiming for the back space. I also like hitting ";" when aiming for the "l"... here's an example of both: :ee==Lee. See how that works? I hit shift-; and get ":" but then I miss the backspace (hitting "=" instead)... oh, this is stupid. I'm going to shut up and apply my fatigue to work.
04/24/98 - Power tool buzz fills the hallway... that and Sarah McLachlan. It seems Sarah is building an office across from mine. She's not a very good carpenter... not like Karen. Karen was good but she can't build for squat. Now Richard knew how to build but he stuck to songs. For the actual work we have UR's hottest team of crackerjack builders working at full speed to construct stuff from candied popcorn and peanuts... we'd better pray the ants don't find us and the AC works like a champion all summer long. But then it's not my office being built. Mine could use a sky light. I asked for one and was told there were but 2 problems: 1) There's a classroom above me and 2) It's expensive to add a skylight. Only 2 problems. I should have my new window to the clouds by the baseball allstar break, don't you think? I think. That's how these words ended up on the computer and greeting your eyes as you read them. Have you read anything good this morning? I haven't gotten to the news yet but the weather forecast looks good. Hey, where went the power tool buzz?
04/27/98 - I went back to the pool in which I swam as a kid. It looked small but that's not why I'm writing. I introduced a very important person to my family and while that's certainly on my mind it's not about what I'm writing either. I suddenly found myself swept into thought regarding my childhood swimming career. I kinda hated it but I was pretty good and I did things even when I hated them because I thought I was expected to do these things. Specifically I hated tuesday night swim meets. Looking back I miss them but at the time I hated them. I stood before throngs of parents (did they serve beer at these things) and leapt from a starting block into a chilling pool wearing a skimpy, pre-Lycra brief... And I was 14. Doesn't that sound fun? The correct answer is "No". I hated the embarassment. I hated the stress of racing. I hated the summer heat. The stress of racing; I love it now but at 14 it wasn't fun. What does this mean growth and maturation terms? I'm suddenly greeted by a nice mental picture. I feel myself cutting through the water. My goggles have slid from my eyes and are pushing into my nose's bridge. I can see nothing but the blurry light from the extra bright submerged lighting and the black lines defining my lane's direction. Maybe I did like it at the time.
04/28/98 - April 27th as well as being my friend Carter's birthday was the day of my first solo flat tire. I, at some point, drove over a screw which lodged itself, thoughtlessly (and selfishly) into my car's front right tire. Ok, I know I drove on the flat tire because I noticed some strange handling characteristics but didn't think about checking for flat tires hoping, instead, the problem would miraculously cease. Hours after arriving at work I walked by my beast of burden and notice a definite rightward list... crap! The tire's flat. It was raining so I let the problem stew for a while. Later, in a dry parking lot I discovered I too am skilled enough to unattach a flat and attach a spare. Work having finished found me heading for the nearby Exxon where tire repair guy pulled out the screw, filed out the hole (huh?... I didn't question his reaming of my tire with the nastiest looking pointy file I've ever seen) and stuffed the puncture void with what looked like light colored beef jerky. I drove home and replaced the spare with the good as new (I hope) reconditioned tire. 10 miles later I think it's a job well done. Tonight's trip to DC shall tell, no?
04/29/98 - Good Morning. I'd planned on writing a review of Dave Matthews' new album but having heard it but once in the office and twice in the car I feel unqualified. First impressions are good but not great. The album is sonicly rich and lush but it lacks the killer hooks his last albums had. High spots so far are Spoon and The Dreaming Tree. Well, that was a mini review I guess. As well as picking up the new Dave I got an old Bodeans album (Go Slow Down) which I will score highly. Brian (a bandmate buddy) asked that I start writing show reviews again. As practice I'll review last night's practice. Andy debuted a borrowed bass... rockin' bottom end. Both Scott and Andy rolled out new songs. Andy's is too new to review and all we heard was music... no words and the music that did appear was nebulous. Scott's new song is warped and beautiful with dissonance and harmony... what we expect from Scott. Practice's main focus though was older songs... our crap list (compiled on sunday) was rehashed in hopes of bringing some of these dusty pieces back into the light. Perhaps the effort was futile... our older songs need reworking and our energy seems applied elsewhere lately so we'll see. Have I written enough for today? Off to work.
04/30/98 - My beard is gone. I unleashed clipper power upon it and it is no more. Of course nothing likes being smote. I think my chin has mounted a resistance. I feel the beard surging but I mowed it down with a straight razor. The beard is tenacious... I don't think it's given up the fight. And my nose is sympathetic. My nose became monstrous. I think I could inflate the thing to huge size by gradually growing the beard (which is my only option) thus leaving the nose unchanged sizewise. Suddenly I'll shave the beard thus greatly increasing nose size. The process can be repeated until my nose is car sized... or bigger. Ok, so I have a baby face. Maybe scruff would give me the illusion of age. Or I could dye my hair grey... although it's getting there now... at least the beard is but I just removed the evidence. Actually I could dig through the plastic bag in which the beard remains rest. Should I give it a funeral? Nah, that's a stupid idea. Speaking of pianos, I get a new computer in 45 minutes.